Four Loko Fruit Punch: It will Make You Irresistable

Picture 2Like a moth to the flame burned by the fire, I was drawn to the pink and red camouflaged can of Four Loko. That or I had just finished listening to Janet Jackson. Either way, I wanted to get my drink on and 12% alcohol by volume with caffeine in a 24 oz can looked awesome hiding behind a glass door at the Kangaroo gas station. (They’re website rocks btw.)

I had heard of Four Loko from my northern-southern counterparts for some time and have been anticipating its arrival. I’ve even been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal’s alcohol division on the subject of malt liquors with caffeine in them. As a matter of fact, some of our readers were interviewed for the same article and are now famous. Seriously, they all got drunk on a Joose and Four Loko concoction and stole the bikes of every Mormon missionary on Denver.

But I digress. This is a review of Four Loko Fruit Punch Flavor Premium Malt Beverage. The first thing I noticed is that it looks and smells exactly like Max Vibe. It’s pink and fruity. It even tastes similar. However, it doesn’t have the same wangey bite to it. It actually doesn’t taste almost completely unlike fruit punch. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything that could be farther from the taste of actual fruit punch, but it is a reasonable facsimile. BTW this is what I’m listening to right now and it rocks.

It actually tastes like what you would get if you put a Jolly Rancher in a Zima (Remember that?),topped it off with 151. (I am wide awake right now and wish I had a motorcycle)

Actually this stuff is GREAT! I feel like I could wrestle a gorilla. It doesn’t help that I’m listening to this either. I bet This flavor of Four Loko would be great mixed with some Smirnoff or Kettle One Vodka.

I’m not kidding. I’ve been nursing this 24oz can for almost an hour and I am buzzing like a criminal locked in a evidence room. This stuff is definitely worth the $2.50 a can price. I think I’m going to give some for my kid and send him to my parent’s house as payback for them getting him all hopped up on candy and sending home every Sunday afternoon.

I hope I can get my hands on every flavor:)


  1. Nicole says

    My brother’s friend dared me to drink this (I’m only 11, by the way). I never had alcohol before and I thought that because it looked more like a juice it would have less alcohol in it. WRONG. It has 12% alcohol in it!! I started getting a buzz after drinking HALF. I threw up a lot the next morning to. Yucky stuff.

  2. ms watermelon says

    I had half of a watermelon and half grape four loko and I got so fucked up I don’t remember anything but throwing up 5 times
    my mom says she was going to take me to the hospital cause I kept crying and I also fell asleep in the restroom not to mention the hangover. .. It was just bad
    never drinking that again ever!! the name definitely speaks for itself

  3. says

    Let me tell you, Four Loko is THE GREATEST. You get slizzered in only the amount it takes you to drink one beer compared to five… funneled. I am psyched over this. One drink in 20 minutes did the job of whst it would take me to drink 5 beers fast. I love this… forever.

  4. mikey says

    Well, last night mikey took the Loko test. I drank two of these wicked things. grape and an orange. After the first one I felt a great buzz, was just chill’n watching tv. so what the hell drank another one. well its Sat. morning and I don’t remember much of last night. I do remember sitting on the couch unable to move for a few hours, occasionally reminding myself don’t forget to breath, finally 6 hrs later I was able to get to bed, but could’t sleep with a resting heart rate of 126. And to think I wanted to drink 3 of these things. If your not planning on interacting with anything other than furniture go for it.

  5. Bill Williams says

    what happened to just drinking beer and capping the night off with a few lines of cocaine? four loko is for those who havent developed an appreciation of the oustanding refreshing taste of beer, hence little high school girls or college dorm BRO’s, you know who you are, drive the lifted truck with the metal militia sticker and your rockstar hat, yea dude, drinking a fruit punch flavored alcoholic beverage and giving your friend a cock meat stuffing surprise because you blacked out doesn’t make you cool. ban four loko, do cocaine, i guarantee it is better for you anyway.

  6. gail mcnally says

    why would people drink some shit that is definitely a killer what i mean by this is if you wake up and can’t remember what you did than chances are you were open to anything sex with strangers being taken advantage of left for dead who knows the possibilities in a few years when you are diagnose with hiv or liver damage you would think back and regret the day you tried 4loko why take chances with your life remember you only get one and i would think you would want to remember

  7. duke says

    I tried the cranberry lemonade and found it to be absolutely awful. There can’t be any flavor worse.

  8. Ariana says


    Apparently you don’t know your limit, because you sound pretty gone in that comment…

  9. Dylan says

    I’ve had every single flavor and I strongly recommend grape. It tastes just like grape soda, best one I have ever had. Pour it in a glass, put some cubes in and your set. Have a fun night everyone on this awesome spring break!!!!

  10. mariah says

    These drinks make me want to NEVER drink again. Four loco is cheap for aareason,they dont give a damn if u get sick or die. I recommend not drinking them. The made me,my friend,and her brother drunk after drinking two. He took advantage of me bc these drinks make you mad horny(not suggesting you use them during sexual activity)im scard for life for what i found out he did to me. this happened last night acctually and today i still have a badass hangover!!:(the worst i threw up 6 times and lost 15 pounds!!. In fact, im laying in bed right now i have a slight stomach ache, im calling in to work for tomorrow two!!these drinkz are horrible!not worth anything!.

  11. Kurt says

    The perfect predrink!!! Just have one every so often then hit up the club. FoUr LoCo FoR eVeR

  12. master22 says

    Four Lokos are crazy, I got trashed on them a few weeks ago. I sat on the couch after downing 3 of them on top of lots of tequila and all I wanted to do was pass out but I couldnt because I was so wired. Never doing that again

  13. Sandwich munnchys says

    Four lokos are the best im only 14 but have been drinking since in was 10 watermellon best loko flavor ever lemon is good to and lemon-lime is realy good wanna try cranberrylemonade but still looking for it looking forward to finding it and getting piss ass drunk it takes about 4 to get me ther im the champ man

  14. Mr Syntax says

    I am impressed / confused that the poster can correctly spell facsimilie, yet cannot correctly use they’re/their/there. Why???

  15. *SMD* says

    These don’t taste good at all, the watermelon nor the blueberry.. I would rather smoke weed then drink thhis shit!!:)

  16. rahul says

    I had 8 coronas but the buzz dint hit me…..I asked my friend to suggest something with a punch. He said FOUR LOKO. Water melon went down pretty well. But the fruit punch gave me the biggest PUNCH any beer gave me. Totally wasted.


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