Like a moth to the flame burned by the fire, I was drawn to the pink and red camouflaged can of Four Loko. That or I had just finished listening to Janet Jackson. Either way, I wanted to get my drink on and 12% alcohol by volume with caffeine in a 24 oz can looked awesome hiding behind a glass door at the Kangaroo gas station. (They’re website rocks btw.)
I had heard of Four Loko from my northern-southern counterparts for some time and have been anticipating its arrival. I’ve even been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal’s alcohol division on the subject of malt liquors with caffeine in them. As a matter of fact, some of our readers were interviewed for the same article and are now famous. Seriously, they all got drunk on a Joose and Four Loko concoction and stole the bikes of every Mormon missionary on Denver.
But I digress. This is a review of Four Loko Fruit Punch Flavor Premium Malt Beverage. The first thing I noticed is that it looks and smells exactly like Max Vibe. It’s pink and fruity. It even tastes similar. However, it doesn’t have the same wangey bite to it. It actually doesn’t taste almost completely unlike fruit punch. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything that could be farther from the taste of actual fruit punch, but it is a reasonable facsimile. BTW this is what I’m listening to right now and it rocks.
It actually tastes like what you would get if you put a Jolly Rancher in a Zima (Remember that?),topped it off with 151. (I am wide awake right now and wish I had a motorcycle)
Actually this stuff is GREAT! I feel like I could wrestle a gorilla. It doesn’t help that I’m listening to this either. I bet This flavor of Four Loko would be great mixed with some Smirnoff or Kettle One Vodka.
I’m not kidding. I’ve been nursing this 24oz can for almost an hour and I am buzzing like a criminal locked in a evidence room. This stuff is definitely worth the $2.50 a can price. I think I’m going to give some for my kid and send him to my parent’s house as payback for them getting him all hopped up on candy and sending home every Sunday afternoon.
I hope I can get my hands on every flavor:)
You that think this drink is horrible, I guess you never really experienced being experienced ( Jimi Hendrix) ha ha Finally a drink with some serious chemicals. By the way you need to nuture this drink , to get the full effect. Example , Long island ice tea.
Juan Dimensional says
WHAM! This shit will knock your dick in the dirt! It creeps up on you and then pounds your ass big time. I must be a fucking lightweight cuz only one of these is enough for me to see god. I bought this at a convenience store and the pretty store clerk asks me if I drink it and I told her I never had before. She tells me with a sly grin on her face that she only needs one and she’s done! I almost went back and got another one. Glad I didn’t.
If you want to feel like you got raped by a gang of homos and then wake up the next morning on your front lawn fucking naked with your clothes nowhere to be found then I highly recommend this stuff. I have no idea what 3 or 4 of these would do to you but rest assured if you drink that many you’ll end up as a mug shot on your local newspaper’s website.
My brother died of liver failure after drinking these..a lot of them.
Its the shit. If your a true drinker, all you’ll need is 3. For real for real. It’s also cheaper. Get them stick them in the freezer get them slushy and dink them slow. Trust me. It will get you there
I had 8 coronas but the buzz dint hit me…..I asked my friend to suggest something with a punch. He said FOUR LOKO. Water melon went down pretty well. But the fruit punch gave me the biggest PUNCH any beer gave me. Totally wasted.
These don’t taste good at all, the watermelon nor the blueberry.. I would rather smoke weed then drink thhis shit!!:)
Mr Syntax says
I am impressed / confused that the poster can correctly spell facsimilie, yet cannot correctly use they’re/their/there. Why???
Sandwich munnchys says
Four lokos are the best im only 14 but have been drinking since in was 10 watermellon best loko flavor ever lemon is good to and lemon-lime is realy good wanna try cranberrylemonade but still looking for it looking forward to finding it and getting piss ass drunk it takes about 4 to get me ther im the champ man
Four Lokos are crazy, I got trashed on them a few weeks ago. I sat on the couch after downing 3 of them on top of lots of tequila and all I wanted to do was pass out but I couldnt because I was so wired. Never doing that again
The perfect predrink!!! Just have one every so often then hit up the club. FoUr LoCo FoR eVeR
These drinks make me want to NEVER drink again. Four loco is cheap for aareason,they dont give a damn if u get sick or die. I recommend not drinking them. The made me,my friend,and her brother drunk after drinking two. He took advantage of me bc these drinks make you mad horny(not suggesting you use them during sexual activity)im scard for life for what i found out he did to me. this happened last night acctually and today i still have a badass hangover!!:(the worst i threw up 6 times and lost 15 pounds!!. In fact, im laying in bed right now i have a slight stomach ache, im calling in to work for tomorrow two!!these drinkz are horrible!not worth anything!.
All the four loko haters, can seriously go suck a cock. Hicks.
I’ve had every single flavor and I strongly recommend grape. It tastes just like grape soda, best one I have ever had. Pour it in a glass, put some cubes in and your set. Have a fun night everyone on this awesome spring break!!!!
Apparently you don’t know your limit, because you sound pretty gone in that comment…
Four Loko Watermelon x XXX Vitamin Water…try that its amazing…i guarentee it.
I tried the cranberry lemonade and found it to be absolutely awful. There can’t be any flavor worse.
I hope all of you sick aholes get alcohol poisoning and die
Free Loko says
Taking the caffeine out of Four Loko is like taking FREEDOM out of the BILL OF RIGHTS
gail mcnally says
why would people drink some shit that is definitely a killer what i mean by this is if you wake up and can’t remember what you did than chances are you were open to anything sex with strangers being taken advantage of left for dead who knows the possibilities in a few years when you are diagnose with hiv or liver damage you would think back and regret the day you tried 4loko why take chances with your life remember you only get one and i would think you would want to remember
Bill Williams says
what happened to just drinking beer and capping the night off with a few lines of cocaine? four loko is for those who havent developed an appreciation of the oustanding refreshing taste of beer, hence little high school girls or college dorm BRO’s, you know who you are, drive the lifted truck with the metal militia sticker and your rockstar hat, yea dude, drinking a fruit punch flavored alcoholic beverage and giving your friend a cock meat stuffing surprise because you blacked out doesn’t make you cool. ban four loko, do cocaine, i guarantee it is better for you anyway.
Kansas considering a ban
Well, last night mikey took the Loko test. I drank two of these wicked things. grape and an orange. After the first one I felt a great buzz, was just chill’n watching tv. so what the hell drank another one. well its Sat. morning and I don’t remember much of last night. I do remember sitting on the couch unable to move for a few hours, occasionally reminding myself don’t forget to breath, finally 6 hrs later I was able to get to bed, but could’t sleep with a resting heart rate of 126. And to think I wanted to drink 3 of these things. If your not planning on interacting with anything other than furniture go for it.
Let me tell you, Four Loko is THE GREATEST. You get slizzered in only the amount it takes you to drink one beer compared to five… funneled. I am psyched over this. One drink in 20 minutes did the job of whst it would take me to drink 5 beers fast. I love this… forever.
ms watermelon says
I had half of a watermelon and half grape four loko and I got so fucked up I don’t remember anything but throwing up 5 times
my mom says she was going to take me to the hospital cause I kept crying and I also fell asleep in the restroom not to mention the hangover. .. It was just bad
never drinking that again ever!! the name definitely speaks for itself
My brother’s friend dared me to drink this (I’m only 11, by the way). I never had alcohol before and I thought that because it looked more like a juice it would have less alcohol in it. WRONG. It has 12% alcohol in it!! I started getting a buzz after drinking HALF. I threw up a lot the next morning to. Yucky stuff.
John Loko says
It may just be because I’m drinking a four loko right now, but as a journalism student at Florida Gulf Coast University I really appreciated this article. I love the way that you put links to the other things you are thinking about while writing. It was really refreshing, and obviously you are doing something right because the comments and stories that other users provided are entertaining as fuck. Really good job man.
Mr Loko says
I have been drinkin these for a few nights now and have finally experienced the Loko Hangover guys it is not fun at all at this moment i am laying down and have the worse stomach ache ever and i blacked out i had about 6 r 6 of these haha 2 orange 1 grape 1 fruit punch and 2 cranberry lemonade and they were all amazing but yea the first time black out drunk FML i threw up allllll night and cannot remember much other then leaning my head out the window and throwing up but 5 minutes later grabbing a water and downing it DEFFF a need to do experience but sadly to say i will lay off the Lokos for a while hahaha
um really? says
so I tried a couple of these upon friends liking them and all I can say is no drink in my life has raped my masculinity more then four loko. I have been laughing my ass off for no goo reason since i first started drinking hours ago. so yea … drink responsibly.
I had the orange flavor around 6PM & got buzzed after chugging 1/4 of the can. I finished the can within 40 minutes… it’s now the next day and I haven’t been able to sleep for shit. The taste of the orange is better than Joose but Sparks is the best. I wouldn’t recommend FourLokos because I have the worse hangover (and I haven’t even slept?) my heart is thumping out of control and I feel nauseated but I don’t need to throw up. Fuck this drink.
The fruit punch four lokos is absolutely horrible. It reminds me of robitussen DM or something. Just plain nasty. However the lemonade version is really good. Along the same lines they have the new drink Joose on the market. Same alcohol content but tastes much better, still four lokos seems to have a bit of more ‘kick’ to it. –nick–
mrs. currently trashed on four loko says
I’m currently laying in bed researching lokos drunk as fuck off of one lemonade loko and can’t sleep for shit. I’ve tried every flavor of loko there is out orange tastes like cough medicine I would deffinately not reccomend that one. The first loko I tried was on prom night and was blue raspberry I took one sip and was sick..lokos are nasty but if you wanna get drunk for cheap buy a loko or two. They are very gross and very strong but get me horny and hyper as fuck. Moral of the story lokos may be nasty and may be bad for you but you gota face it they are cheap as fuck and will get you fucked up!
Vic Manners says
Take it to the NEXT LEVEL!
FourLOKO + Ice Cream = FloatLOKO
Ok i just had my first Four Loko like 2 nights ago and now i cant fall asleep for shit! Damn never touching that stuff again
i drink only once or at most twice a week and when i do drink i drink only one four loko or if i ate recently then i drink one and a half. i do not drink other drinks with it because i do not need it and by the time i leave the club i am not drunk just slightly buzzed and i sleep like a baby and without a hangover. Four loko is not bad for you but like anything in life: if you have too much of it, it will be dangerous. Moral of the story: BE RESPONSIBLE!!!
I hate to see so many negative and reckless encounters with my favorite beverage. Please be responsible people. At least don’t go online sounding so damn juvinile about it. I really enjoy this product and would hate to see it pulled from the shelves even though redbull and vodka is essentially the same thing. Take care peeps and have fun.
Mike Wops says
This drink is made to kill off the hoodrats and Fuck everyone over in the future when their liver is all fuckin slated up. Health insurance is a big issue and I’m sure if you can’t afford a good drink, you probably can’t afford health care, keep drinking these shits people and watch how its gonna impact everyone who does… It kinda makes me feel bad jn a way.
hey I was drinking these everyday, 1 after work for a year and a half. I mean everyday, after awhile I ended up in the hospital with funny things happening to my body, I haven’t touched the stuff since
heart beating funny, my lip, eye would shake noticeably and uncontrollably, no energy unless I had my four loko, these are addicting, I wouldn’t suggest drinking them.
Have had my share of drinks in my time, is on the Top 40 until the end of time. They just changed the laws here in Northeast Alabama to permit high alcohol beer (Never thought I’d see the day) and I encountered these colorful cans tonight after leaving work. Will blog about this experience tomorrow, if not in jail or doing my dead Elvis imitation in the loo.
My boyfriend and I bought 4 four lokos to share. We got lemonade, blue raspberry, watermellon, and fruit punch. I wasn’t particarally fond of any of them. After the first one we shared I felt good. Just a happy giggly sort of drunk. Then after two i just started telling my entire life story and rambling on about everything. After 3 i was gone and i dont even remember getting home but my boyfriend kept an eye out for me and made sure everything was safe and sound. The hangover was not like any hangover i’ve ever felt before. It felt like i had the flu. I couldnt sleep at all that night and i was still a tad bit drunk the next day. I had scrapes everywhere on me from falling that i dont remember getting. It was just awful i felt like i had a fever and i’ve had plenty of bad hangovers but they just weren’t comparable to this one. I would never drink one of those things again i dont understand how anyone can say they’re a great drink or anything. I’d rather stick to expensive stuff that gets me a good happy drunk and lets me not feel like i have a temperature or 105 the next day and the feeling that im going to throw up constantly. Just my opinion.
Ok so tonight I tried four loko cranberry lemonade for the first time…I haven’t even finished the whole drink and I’m freakin wasted. It doesn’t taste the best but if you want minimal drink to get you trashed this is the way to go!
pyscho player says
Annaniza babanizi sikdimin it cocuklari. I Drank two of thses next thing u know I started licking my nipples and was mad horny woke up next morning my nips are purple blackish damn these things are gopd and crazy!!
Just be careful with Four Loko. It’s Cheap as dirt so you’re able to scrimp for change and still manage to buy one. It’s also very fruity and people aren’t as quick to protest some of the flavors. I’ve been staring at all the ingredients on the can and could not make heads or tails as to what the hell they put in these drinks.
Common Sense would tell you that there’s gotta be a catch while temptation just want to party all night long with it. Just be smart and not go overboard. But hey, it’s your life.
Whoops, I meant to say ‘Can’ not ‘bottle’. Was still thinking of beer at that point.
Over the Fourth of July Weekend, I bought two on my way to a BBQ. I was only able to bring one with me so I popped it and chugged it as fast as I could. During the celebration, I drank a couple of beers to add to the effect of the Four Loko and I couldn’t remember what the hell happened that night. The next day, I popped open the second bottle and finished it but was craving for more so I waited until I was okay to drive and went down to the nearest store and bought another one. It was the third can within two day that finally did me in. I’ve been drinking four loko every other day since June. I don’t know what was going on with my body but it was acting weird. I couldn’t breath and I always have this feelng of vomiting except I didn’t and every time I swallow food or water or saliva, it hurts like hell. At one point in the night, I was close to jumping into my car and heading down to the E.R. I nursed myself back to health for two whole days. I drank plenty of water and never again will I touch those crazy Four Loko drink. Now, I only drink Alcohol in moderation and I’ve been a heavy drinker for two years.
for about two weeks i was having a four loko a day but all that happened was a little dizzyness but i sat my ass down stayed still and drank a can and got so fucked up didn’t know what i was doing or saying
are there any new flavors out i only tried the orange, lemon, grape, watermelon, and raspberry. The raspberry is nasty but all other flavors are good and this stuff is great me and my friends drank a can each before taking our regents exams and i passed with an 84
Last night I drank one of these and then opened the second one and i dont remember what happened
This stuff is EXTREMELY bad for your system (hense the terrible hangover we’ve all experienced, blacking out off of 2 cans, and fits of intense negative rage). In fact just ONE 23oz can is about 6 times worse for you than one Red Bull or Monster, and this can towers over those other energy drink cans and have chemicals you dont even know about in it. FACT: straight energy drinks have been proven to cause liver failure, ulcers, and heart problems if drank regularly (one a day). Ive done research about the chemicals DrinkFour uses in their product and they are not approved by the FDA (just like 5 hour energy). I believe that if companies avoid the FDA health regulations by dropping prices so low that the consumer doesnt care how bad the product is for them (despite this obviously “bad-for-you-taste”), or promote flashy commercials to mislead the consumer (“no 2:30 feeling later, lol”), then the wise decision is stay away from it, IT IS OBVIOUSLY BAD FOR YOU. Give it about 40 years and I believe the mainstream media will finally announce how these insanely strong caffine/alchohol drinks and the popular “over 2 million users a day” 5 hour energy are seriously linked to death and body system failure (just like how 40 years ago people thought that McDonalds was okay for you and now our parents are getting heart attacks at 45). I used to drink one watermelon can about 3 separate times a week with friends. Then I came to the realization that this stuff really, really must be terrible for my body. Even just one can a month. Trust me, spend the extra 3 bucks and get the 4 beer equivelant to a Loko or some cheap hard alcohol.
Stay away from energy drinks, period.
i love them!! the cran. lemonade, grape, watermelon,& reg. lemonade is the best!!
These drinks are the craziest drinks ever! I mean don’t get me wrong I have drank it all 80 proof vodka 151 proof rum but 4 of these four lokos and I got jumped robbed and car jacked over all $8,000 in damage, so all I can say is DRINK RESPONSIBLY! :P
don’t try the grape for the love of god, tasted like fucking wine and beer in the same can i had to throw that shit away (after downing 5/6 of the can) i can definitely say it fucked me up though
IMO the stuff doesn’t taste very good and the alcohol flavor in them is pretty strong, but maybe i’m just trying the wrong flavors…however drinking two or three will get me drunk for a long time, only it’s not a good, happy drunk, more like one of those angry, loathing ones where i want to go out and pick a fight with a 6’2″ gang member.
Still good though, i recommend it if you’re one of those dudes that likes beating people up for no reason.
Just bought one of these tonight, I’m used to cheap malt liquor so this should be right up my alley.
jesse j says
this stuff is made from heaven, i drink two of these things and you are messed up i feel like a cheap hooker gettin drunk off 5 dollars
I personally think the Fruit punch is gross. I couldn’t get caught drinking so I tried chugging the rest [ which was a quarter of the can ] none of my friends would help me and I almost threw up. The grape one is amazing though and so is watermelon<3 I have yet to try the other flavors. Two of them gets me twisted. I love this drink<3
and 4 loko + a joint = amazinggg.
i had 4 four locos && i was wasted &&+ i had one joose i was completely qone . its amazing and my new fav drink ! i almost drowned in the pool cuz i fell asleep . simply amazinq !
DO THESE DRINKS GO BAD IF YOU HAVE OPENED THEM BEFORE? i couldn’t even finish it and i poured it in a water bottle…will it go bad?
…oh yeah i DONT recommend mixing ice with it! but joose it great on “the rocks”…
the watermelon is nasty, the fruit punch is the best i think of all four’s! nice description of how it tastes lol!
My website ain’t around no more, but I am. I’ve been drinking for months on end, sticking to mostly wine coolers and stuff, sparks….well, sparks was cool back when they WERE cool, anyway, ever since sparks went the way of the gov, i’ve been lookin around.
Then came this four LOKO drinks, now, remember that I want a drink all the way, one it gives me the buzz, two it gives me energy,..all the way like that other guy said this IS the drink of choice. Consider it, and recommend it to all wine cooler/malt liqour sellers in your area.
The Lemonade is the best in my mind. One of these puts me in a good place..2 forget it. I might as well call in sick to work the next day..
Blue Rasberry is by far the greatest you barely taste the liquor…
The new lemondae AMAZING!!! I love these! One is enough for me!
four lokos are great! if you dont get a buzz from 2 then you are and alcoholic… i am 6’5 260lbs and 2 are fine for me… i drink every night… fourloko is my drink of choice
Wow! Finally found the FOUR LOKOS in my area and I can personally say after drinking Tilt and Sparks on occasion, FOUR LOKOS is my new drink. Tilt is still one of my favorites as far as taste goes, but the more alcohol content the better! And Sparks sucks as they (Anheuser-Busch/IN-BEV) sucked up to the politicians and took out the caffeine and other herbs which enhance the drink! Currently have only tasted the Watermelon and Fruit Punch but I am look out for the other flavors.
Appointment Setters says
I tried one of these after work. Wow what a punch!
my boyfriend loves these drinks! He thinks they’re the most amazing things ever, and all they do to him is make him act super crazy and it doesn’t help when he needs to spunk while having sex!
Mary Allen says
I’m keep a list of resources related to yeast cures and remedies – please feel free to link back.
o0o skidelz o0o says
Four loko will get you twisted , for a while but then you get used to it and it takes more to mess you up. They add wormwood oil in it wich is also in absinith … the European version actually has Absininth and spirits in it rather then ghetto malt liquor. I’m sure it tastes better , the blue berry has a God awful after taste and this is sure to give you a yeast infection. Yes I said it. It’s BAD for you and will eventually give you a yeast infection. Male or Female. If it burns when you pee and you drink this stuff , don’t worry you didn’t catch the ninja , just blame it on the … AH AH AH AH AH Alchohol
NON PO says
FOUR LOKO is what E-3 and below drink
pussy drinkers I dont drink four loko anymore cuz it never gets me buzz last time i drank 4 of them an i was feeling a lil buzzed
Jacksonville Limo Service says
Being a limousine driver in Jacksonville I thought I had seen it all, people always request to stop and buy beer, wine, and liquor, which is nothing new. However one night while providing Jacksonville Limo service one of my clients said she wanted to stop and buy some juice. It was 1:00am on a Saturday night, so I said I didn’t think any grocery stores would be open and I said sometimes 7-Eleven has cranberry and orange juice. The lady gave me a stupid look and said no it’s JOOSE, it’s a ghetto drink they sell at gas stations.
I stopped the limo at a gas station, and some of the clients ran in and came out with a big bag of drinks. Out of curiosity I asked what this JOOSE looked like, they quickly said oh they didn’t have any, we got FOUR Loko instead. I felt like and idiot because I had never heard of either of these drinks and I have been driving partiers for a long time. At the end of the night I was cleaning out the limo and noticed they had left several of the FOUR Loko drinks in the cooler. I told the lady that had rented the limo and she said don’t worry about it you can have them we have a wedding to go to tomorrow and if we drink and more of those we will be too hung over.
Upon dropping the limo off at our warehouse I cleaned out the limo and took the Loko’s home with me. I stuck them in the fridge and curiosity him me a few days later so I tried one, the first one was Grape and it was really good, after that I tried the fruit punch and it was even better. These drinks are amazing however they really hit you hard, so only drinking one at a time is recommended. I didn’t really like the orange one.
My girlfriend drank the watermelon Four Loko last night and I couldn’t understand why she was acting like a five year old on speed, after reading this review, it all makes sense. She said the flavor took a little to get used to, but after one can she was the friendliest, funniest person in the room, taking her home she spilled her heart out like she’s never told me “I love you before.” (I enjoyed that part) Once home, she proceeded to pass out at around 1:30 am. She then woke up at around 5 am still wired wanting to have a conversation with me about why she got so drunk and where did the money in her pocket come from?
If you want a good time, drink a Four Loko.
I bought one of these Thursday night because of this article…>WOW!!! Amazing. I did Watermelon though…