The Drunk Pirate

Jungle Joose: Premium Malt Beverage?

Ok so last night my wife sent me on one of her crazy pregnant woman missions for one of Burger King’s new Icees. I reluctantly put on my flip-flops, got in the car and drove to BK only to discover their Icee machine was broken and that The King has now decided to sell ribs. Yes. Ribs. And you get them in a french fry container.

I had come this far and there was no way in hell I was going back home without some sort of fruity, frozen beverage. Luckily there was a gas station next door that had an Icee machine. I figured since I was at the store anyway I might as well pick up a 24oz Steel Reserve.

I opened the cooler door and went to grab the next lucky contestant on “Let’s Get Crunk Tonight!” when I saw it……Jungle Joose. 24oz of 9.9% ABV Premium Malt Beverage. Somewhere, a lone tear rolled down a drunk hobo’s cheek.

(more…)

Popularity: 27% [?]

Shiner Black Lager – The Warmer The Better?

I’ve always regarded beer in the same way most people people regard sex and pizza. Even when it’s bad, it’s good. I have never in my life spit pizza out of my mouth in disgust, nor have I ever stopped mid-thrust and said, “This is really bad sex. I gotta go.” I also solemnly swear that I have never tasted a beer with such a pungent aftertaste that I poured half of it into the kitchen sink. Until today.

(more…)

Popularity: 3% [?]

Rogue Dead Guy Ale

Ok, so I finally broke down the other day and bought a sixer of Rogue Dead Guy Ale. I say “finally broke down,” because it takes a lot for me to drop $12 for a six pack of anything that’s isn’t guaranteed to at least make my wiener tingle. Trust me, before I bought it I checked the label for some kind of guarantee to see if they could tell me what I was getting for that much coinage. There was no guarantee. Just a picture of a dead guy wearing a funny hat. Truth be told the name was good enough to warrant at least spending one night with Dead guy Ale.

(more…)

Popularity: 5% [?]

Abita Turbodog

There’s absolutely no place like Florida in the dead of winter. I mean honestly, who doesn’t love mowing their lawn in late December? I spent all day Sunday working up a good sweat while trying out my new backpack leaf blower. Once I finished the migrant worker routine, I fired up the grill and cracked open an Abita Turbodog. Turbodog wasn’t quite what I had expected.

(more…)

Popularity: 1% [?]

Sam Adams Irish Red

When you brew as many different beers as Sam Adams does, you’re bound to miss the mark at least once in a while. Sammy’s brewers were definitely reaching with this one. Yes I know it won an award or two in Denver. But none-the-less, this beer tastes like a weak stout after you brush your teeth. Don’t get me wrong, I’m usually a big fan of Sam Adams’ different brews. But you definitely won’t see me at Publix throwin’ down $8.69 for a sixer of this ugly redheaded whore.

Popularity: 1% [?]