Last night my wife sent me on one of her crazy pregnant woman missions for one of Burger King’s new Icees. I reluctantly put on my flip-flops, got in the car, and drove to BK only to discover their Icee machine was broken and that The King has now decided to sell ribs. Yes. Ribs. And you get them in a french fry container.
I had come this far and there was no way I was going back home without some sort of fruity, frozen beverage. Luckily there was a gas station next door that had an Icee machine. I figured since I was at the store anyway I might as well pick up a 24oz Steel Reserve.
I opened the cooler door and went to grab the next lucky contestant on “Let’s Get Crunk Tonight!” when I saw it……Jungle Joose. 24oz of 9.9% ABV Premium Malt Beverage. Somewhere, a lone tear rolled down a drunk hobo’s cheek.
I had heard of Jungle Joose through the comments section of my last post about regular Joose, but I had never seen one. Jungle Joose is kind of like a Florida Panther. You hear stories about it, but you never actually get to see one in the wild.
Despite the fact it was twice as expensive as the $1.39 Steel Reserve, I grabbed it, made a quick stop at the Icee machine and headed for the register. The cashier gave me an all to familiar look and asked, “You actually drink this stuff?”
“Yes I do,” I replied, “So other people don’t have to.”
I got home, stuck it in the fridge and took a shower. I messed around for about half an hour before I decided it was time to get on with the show. I pulled my vintage A&W Dog n’ Suds mug out of the freezer, grabbed the can out of the fridge and sat them both on the counter.
I really didn’t know what to expect when I popped the can open and began to pour, but I definitely didn’t expect what came out. Granted, the can is covered in skulls and vintage looking tattoo art but still, there should be a warning on the label. The color can only be described as fluorescent green antifreeze mixed with green Kool Aid. From 5 feet away my wife said she could smell it. So could I.
I had come this far and spent nearly $3 of my hard earned money. I was going to drink this entire can.
The first sip tasted just like it looked. Flourescent green with an Aquanet Hairspray aftertaste. I’m pretty sure it instantaneously removed a layer of enamel from my teeth. About 3/4 of the way through the can I found the silver lining to my latest ill advised purchase. I was buzzing like a mad man.
Apparently when you add caffeine, Ginseng, Taurine and a few industrial chemicals to a high-gravity malt beverage you get pretty drunk pretty fast. And you’re wide awake at midnight on a Monday and start calling Nathan to tell him about all the cool new ideas you have for the site.
The Verdict
Would I ever buy Jungle Joose on a regular basis? Probably not. i like my stomach lining right where it is thank you. Would I encourage anyone else to try it? Heck yes. Drinking a can of this stuff at least once is like having relations with a fat, ugly girl you dragged home from the bar. You knew you didn’t want to do it at first, but the more you drank, the better it got and at least you’d have a good story to tell.
I love the stuff, but I can’t seem to find it anymore, where can I get some again?
I LOVEEE jungle Joose. I bought it on a whim one day when I was in the liquor store. The can looked cool so I figured why not? I got home and drank it and was tipsy off of just one can. I de recommend it to anyone.
awesome
I like beer because you get a good buzz and its not really bad for you. I usually drink steele reserve, you get a good buzz and you don’t have to drink 5 of them to get it. I like the big cans too. 2 of them and you’re good to go, compared to a 6 pack. I discovered jungle joose by accident. They were out of steele reserve so I thought I’d give this crazy looking stuff. I love this stuff! Usually beer makes me sluggish and tired. This stuff doesn’t make me super energized, but gives me a good buzz without the tired lazy feeling. I actually love the way it taste. If you like the famous red bull and vodka drink you’ll like this. Its the same kinda taste plus some fruit punch. It is a little more expensive, but I don’t mind a few extra dollars for something that taste really good.
The best cure for a hangover
Xanax
Until tonight I had never set foot nor tongue into the great swamp of “alcopops”, with exception given to Mike’s Hard Varied Travesties, and those by their own right had set me on a path directly away from further exploration, but out of curiosity I grabbed a “Jungle Joose” simply because of the label and the price… I had a bunch of quarters in my pocket, and the laundry was all done.
I can see why many of you dislike the flavor, it is cloyingly sweet, but there is a certain element of it which I actually enjoy. I was disinclined to try this concoction (in lieu of saving it as a collectors’ item) until I read the review here which mentioned Dragon Joose, which I then went and purchased on the description of it being “super tasty”. I found it to be as such, and was rather impressed, so I dug back into the fridge and relocated my can of Jungle Joose, which I am pleased to say is actually tastier, in my mouth, than the Dragon Joose was.
The green color did not discourage me, rather it encouraged me, because I am all about radiation. I figure if I can die outta cancer before social security leaves me for dead, so much the better.
This beverage will ensure that happens sooner rather than later. I probably won’t ever buy it again unless they start selling it for $1 per can, but I did enjoy the experience. I would describe it as tasting like a giraffe’s taint, with the caveat that I really like that particular giraffe and I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
These things are bomb.. I Prefer jungle joose… the grape is okay n the blue one is to
this shit rocks!!!! had one yesterday wen me my gf and her freind were chillin in the park i cant stand the taist of beer so 40s are out this is the drunkest ive been sence i drank a .5 liter of yager strait up….. only this time i didnt puke and pass out in my parents bathroom
Im completely hooked on joose, i drank 3 1/2 of the orange jooses last night and i was up till 3:30 in the morning, woke up at 10am cuz i couldn’t sleep and now i have the worst hangover ive ever experienced..lol be careful drinking these things cuz they will kick your ass
This is some nasty stuff!! Its definatly like doing the fat chick but not sure if i will brag to the buddys about this one. Tastes the same as it would coming up if i could drink the whole can.
Well, this is my First time drinking Jungle Juice. I’m use to the older drinks such as Colt 44, Old English, and my favorite, St iDes. I would call this a ” New malt beverage for a new generation”. The light green color (since there are three) does seem to resemble kool-aid. All i know, i am gettin ‘nice’ and i like it. I believe this should be a new saying: ” When looking to get loose, grab you A$$ some Jungle Juice”
This was so funny. I drnk this stuff for the first time today. When I bought it the lady at the registert asked me the same thing!. It seems we had almost the exact same experience! Keep up the fantastic writing mate!
Finally! New posts! I’ve heard of jungle joose before and it sounds too good to be true. I think I’ll have to try that as soon as possible. The description of the color really sold me on trying it. lol