{"id":1241,"date":"2013-02-25T23:26:49","date_gmt":"2013-02-26T04:26:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/?p=1241"},"modified":"2020-08-30T20:14:09","modified_gmt":"2020-08-31T00:14:09","slug":"how-to-take-your-own-alcohol-on-an-airplane","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/how-to-take-your-own-alcohol-on-an-airplane\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Bring Alcohol On A Plane"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"How<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Tired of paying $7 for a single serving of Jack Daniels on American Airlines? Let The Drunk Pirate show you how to bring alcohol on a plane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I fly constantly, and drink constantly, and I know what I’m talking about when it comes to how far you can stretch the TSA guidelines on how to bring alcohol on a plane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve successfully taken my own liquor on an airplane no less than a dozen times and have never been questioned. And I’ve done it on every airline in several major cities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How I Learned How To Bring Alcohol On a Plane<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

About a year ago I was getting packed up to fly from Tampa International to San Francisco for a trade show. On the way to the airport, I happened to stop at a convenience store that just happened to have a liquor store next to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They had some cool shit in the window display so I went in to see if they had anything I couldn’t live without. Usual stuff, but as I was walking past the friendly Indian man (dot, not feathers) I noticed the bargain bin of $.99 single-serving liquor bottles. You know, the kind they serve on a plane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At that moment 15 different facts converged on the few working brain cells I haven’t managed to kill and created the single best idea I’ve ever had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to the TSA<\/a>, you may carry ANY NON FLAMMABLE liquid on a commercial airliner that is in a SEALED container that is less than 3 fluid ounces. This entire bin of non-flammable liquids were sealed and less than 3 ounces….this flight was going to be epic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went through my mental checklist of the usual mixers in a standard beverage cart and chose 10 bottles accordingly – Jack. Smirnoff. Captain Morgan. The gang was all here and ready for wheels up in less than two hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Getting Alcohol through the Security Check<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like a good and seasoned passenger, I placed all my less-than-3-ounce liquids in a clear plastic bag as not to rile the TSA gestapo. I had to go to el bano when we first got to the airport, so I told the rest of my group to go ahead and I would catch up with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After taking care of some paperwork, I headed to the security checkpoint feeling like a drug mule expecting to get tackled by some plain clothes, dragged into an unmarked room and cavity searched by some staunch lady with eczema and big fingers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shoes off, belt off, computer out of bag, toiletries in a clear bag and a plastic bag with 10 plastic bottles of 80 proof. All nestled in uniform grey plastic bins. I sent them through the xray machine, got scatter scanned myself and waited on the other end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One-by-one each bin came out. No one even looked at me. Fuckin’ A.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I gathered my shit as fast as I could and headed to the monorail that would take me to the gate. That’s when I ran into trouble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I got to the gate and didn’t see anyone I was traveling with. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even see the sign for the right airline. I had gone to the wrong concourse. FML.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I got back on the monorail, went back to the gate entry, put roots on the dumb bitch at the entrance who checked my ticket but neglected to tell me I was going to the wrong concourse and headed to the correct concourse…and another security checkpoint.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This was it. I was about to find out if my theory was sound or if the first TSA xray tech was just being cool and I was about to go to airport jail for trying to sneak my own alcohol onto a plane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did the whole shoes, belt, bags thing again and walk through another scatter scanner. As I waited on the other end I saw the TSA person in charge of the xray scanner stop for a second, lean in and the give his best Obama “not bad” face. My bins came out lined up like Rockettes. I had successfully recreated my experiment and proven my theory. At least in Tampa anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On The Plane<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You could have given me the seat next to the guy who just found out he had cured AIDS and he wouldn’t have been prouder of himself as I was of myself. I had successfully smuggled $100 in airline-value alcohol on a commercial airline—completely within the guidelines of the TSA.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would go on to successfully carry excessive amounts of alcohol through TSA security checkpoints in San Francisco, New York, Jacksonville, San Antonio, Portland, New York, Chicago and Nashville.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It should be noted, some flight attendees get all pissy when they see you with your own booze. So keep it hidden.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tired of paying $7 for a single serving of Jack Daniels on American Airlines? Let The Drunk Pirate show you how to bring alcohol on a plane. I fly constantly, and drink constantly, and I know what I’m talking about when it comes to how far you can stretch the TSA guidelines on how to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1403,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[120],"tags":[45,86],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Denzel-Washington-i-Flight.jpg","featured_image_src_square":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Denzel-Washington-i-Flight.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"James","author_link":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/author\/james\/"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1241"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1241"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1241\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1403"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1241"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1241"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thedrunkpirate.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1241"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}