Texts From Last Night

Ever wake up wondering where your tooth went, an unidentified crying baby in the bedroom and a live tiger in the bathroom, only to find out your best friend is missing and his awkward, sometimes creepy, future brother-in-law drugged you the night before? (Go see The Hangover people—it’s hilarious) Me either, but I have woken up to some regrettable text messages in my sent box. And now I have even more reason to worry: TFLN

It’s a site where people can text in hilarious text messages they’ve received (Posted showing area code and text only), and then let the rest of the world either congratulate or make fun of the person by voting the message as a Good Night or a Bad Night. It’s like the drunk person’s version of Fmylife.com, but without the whining.

In the meantime, I pulled a few that made me laugh.

(506): drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure

(443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
(914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

(231): So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back… stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again

(949): I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.

(817): is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i’m hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

(214): Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a “im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend” cake.

(304): I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.

(603): Haha she couldn’t find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??

(301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget…you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

(510): he said he didn’t have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that’s fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah – he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

(440): The ticket read “Found nude in a tree”

(512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

(717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he’s convinced the tongs he’s holding are his real hands

(720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

(724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.