Steel Reserve – 67 percent of the time, it works every time. However, at 12% ABV, Earthquake High Gravity Lager will get you “tore out the frame” 100 percent of the time.
Earlier tonight I made my way to the BP station – not to buy gas mind you (Fuck BP) – to buy my go-to 4 pack of Steel Reserve tall boys when I made a startling discovery. On the shelf below all the gaudy Four Loko cans, nestled right NEXT to the Steel Reserve was a line of silver and black cans with “Earthquake” emblazoned in red on them.
I didn’t pay them much mind at first. I actually picked up Four Loko Fruit Punch that I hadn’t tried yet and was studying it when I noticed out of my peripheral that the Earthquake can shared the same 12% ABV rating as the foul-tasting Four Loko I had in my hand.
Could it be? A lager with the kick of malt liquor? It was like I had found an actual Liger, but instead of being bred for its skills in magic, this one had been bred for its skills in getting me totally shitfaced while NOT tasting like an orange Airborne tablet dissolved in kerosene.
Erring on the side of caution, I opted to only buy one 24oz can for a grand total of $1.59 – $1.70 with tax. A paper bag and a Lotto ticket later I was back in the car and on my way home with my new find.
Fast forward to now. As I write this post I’m only half way through the can via my trusty Dog-N-Suds mug and I’m buzzin’ like a chainsaw. The rate at which I got this point is identical to when I drink a comparable malt liquor like Four Loko or Joose.
I still can’t get over the taste. It’s actually kind of sweet and doesn’t take a gut lined with chain mail to get through the first few sips before the high alcohol content numbs the senses.
It’s nothing like Steel Reserve which can sometimes taste like you’re drinking an 80-year-old Mexican streetwalker’s bath water. It’s nice and smooth.
So in conclusion…I never thought I’d ever say this…I believe this will be my new “Get drunk on a budget” pick. Steel Reserve, if you’re listening, you better step up your game and come up with a 13% ABV brew or something. You’re losing customers to the new innovators of the High Gravity Lager world.