A while back we posted an article on the official rules of Beer Pong. Overall the response was good. However, we kept getting comments and emails from individuals who claimed the proper name for Beer Pong was Beirut.
Here is one such comment: “I really wish the legit drinking websites would stop calling it “Beer Pong”. It’s Beirut, dammit. For those of us that play Beer Pong, to mix up the games is blasphemy. Check this out to get more information. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dartmouth_pong” (At least he called us legit)
I rank these people right up there with the hippies that tell me cutting down trees is murder and that I shouldn’t eat meat because animals have rights too. They can all go straight to H E double hockey sticks. I’m an American and I will play Beer Pong on my table made of wood while eating raw steak. But I digress. This post is about why Beer Pong is not called Beirut. Here is an exhaustive and thoroughly researched list of these reasons.
1. Beirut is a city in Lebanon. There is no such place called Beer Pongadelphia. There is only the game, Beer Pong.
2. If you Google Beirut, the only thing that shows up for several pages are entries about the band called “The Beirut Band.” You actually have to search Beer Pong + Beirut to get results of other ass hats calling Beer Pong Beirut.
3. No girl would ever brag to her friends about a one night stand with the dorm Beirut Champion. That’s like saying you had sex with the president of the Glee Club.
4. Every time someone calls Beer Pong Beirut, Chuck Norris gently slaps a baby. In Beirut.
5. If this were an SAT question it would be: Beirut is to Stephen Hawkings as Beer Pong is to Tony Hawk.
6. People who call it Beirut are just trying to be as cool as the college kids who say “Le Mis,” or “Poly Sci.”
7. Beer companies don’t sponsor “Beirut” tournaments.
8. If you call Beer Pong Beirut, you’re probably a Freshman.
9. They even call it Beer Pong IN Beirut.
10. Calling Beer Pong Beirut is like calling a guy “pretty.