The Rules to Chinese Christmas

chinese christmas

I come from a huge family on my mom’s side. When I was younger the numbers were still pretty manageable, so everybody bought gifts for each other. However, my mom is 1 of 8 children and over the years all of her brothers and sisters have had kids and all of those kids got married and had kids. Now when the holidays roll around there’s anywhere from 30 to 50 adults and God knows how many little kids. Yes, we’re the redneck version of the Duggars. A few years ago the Elders (my aunts) got together and decided that trying to buy for everyone would basically put everyone in the poor house. That was the year we started playing Chinese Christmas.

Now I’ve heard it called several things in addition to Chinese Christmas like White Elephant Christmas or Indian Christmas. As with the different names, there are several different ways to play it. So here’s what I’m going to do to make your next family, or friends, Christmas party a whole hell of a lot more fun. I’m going to tell you the proper rules to Chinese Christmas – The Drunk Pirate Rules.

First, everyone has to bring a gift. It’s best to set a limit of about $20 s everyone can afford to play. It’s also a good rule of thumb to buy something you would actually want like Apples to Apples. Next put a number in a hat for every person who’s there. Everyone then draws a number to determine their order. Now you have to make sure you have a shot glass and a bottle of Black Velvet. (Canadian whiskey is perfect for the holidays)

Whenever it’s someone’s turn, they have to pick a present and take a shot. After opening the present they can chose to keep it or trade it for someone else’s present. If they chose to trade with someone else, they and the person they are trading with, must both take a shot. Now it’s pretty obvious that the person who goes first gets screwed and the person who goes last gets their pick of the best gift. So what we normally do is let the person who picked number 1 go again at the end. But in Drunk Pirate rules they can either choose to go again, or make everyone take one last shot all together.

Comments

  1. topanga says

    i am not sure what is so “chinese” about this.
    except that you are making fun of an entire race of people for looking drunk.
    seriously insensitive, bigoted and small-minded.
    and completely insulting. (mostly to yourself).

  2. says

    @topanga

    Ok, no where in this post does James make fun of “an entire race of people.” He didn’t name the game; he merely referenced it by what people have been known to call it. Sure, it probably shouldn’t be called “Chinese.” Then again I don’t think the Cleveland Indians should exist as a baseball team because I’m part Indian and think it’s offensive to have a bunch of non-Native American males wearing an obviously stereotypical mascot on their uniforms. The fact that you said he was making fun of the entire Chinese race for “looking drunk” makes you the only person making a seriously insensitive, bigoted and small-minded comment here. Take your short-sighted assumptions and judgmental attitude and apply it to yourself before wasting your words. And thanks for reading and hope to see you around in the future!

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