Ahhh the movies. I remember back in the day when dinner and a movie was the cheapest date you could go on. Man shit has changed. Long gone are the days when you and your buddy could half-ass mow your neighbor’s lawn and get paid a $20 spot just in time to make it to the movies by 6 p.m.. Twenty bucks bought two tickets (six if you slipped into two more movies without getting caught), two drinks and a popcorn big enough to choke your sister. Now $20 will barely get you in the door.
Last Friday, my wife and I went out with another couple for dinner and a movie. Dinner was great. We had sushi and a few drinks and spent a little over $40 with tip (We’re in a college town, food and alcohol are cheap). After a quick stop at the liquor store for a couple pints of Black Velvet and Captain Morgan, we were off to see Sex Drive. After two tickets, two large drinks and a large popcorn, our bill totaled $36. WTF? I could barely bring myself to pour out half my drink in the bathroom so I could squeeze every last drop of Black Velvet into the cup.
I’ve replayed the night’s events over and over in my mind trying to figure out a way to beat the system. After telling the story to my mom, she reminded me of a trick that my nephew learned at the age of 10. Boys and girls, get ready to stick it to the man.
Here’s how to go to the movies and get drunk for less than $10.
First thing you have to do is wrangle up a free ticket. Go to Fandango.com and find the movie you want. At the purchase screen, there’s a button that says “want a free ticket.” Clicking that button takes you to the “Trial Pay” screen. This is one of those things where if you take one of the Trial Pay “alternate” offers, Trial Pay will pay for your ticket. The offers range from FTD flowers to Netflix. Choose the Netflix one. You’ll have to sign up for a FREE two week Netflix trial. As long as you cancel within two weeks you won’t be charged. Finish the Fandango process and viola, free ticket.
Now that you have your free ticket, you need to pull a Fear and Loathing move and wrangle up some supplies. Swing into your local liquor store and grab a pint of Jim Beam or anything less than $10. When you get to the movie theater, stick said pint into your back pocket, jacket, purse, etc. and proceed with collecting your free admittance.
Now you need some popcorn and a drink. Pass the concession stand and go directly to the theater your movie is showing in. Now listen closely—this next part is important. You need to show up early so you can be waiting outside the door before the previous showing gets out. Once the initial rush of people passes, be sure to get in before the ushers can have a chance to do any sort of cleaning. Quickly find a large popcorn tub and a large drink that someone left behind. Grab them and sit down. Ninety-nine percent of movie theaters give free refills on large drinks and large popcorn.
After a few minutes, make your way to the garbage can and pour all the drink and most of the popcorn into the garbage. Be sure to get some drink down the side of the cup and squeeze the cup at the seam so it looks like you dropped it. Mosey over to the concession stand. Be cool. Tell the guy you were on your way to get a refill on your popcorn and some asshole knocked your drink out of your hand. Ask him if you can get a new cup and a new popcorn tub. If he gives you any shit, ask to see the manager. This worked for my nephew when he was 10.
Now that you have your free popcorn and free drink, go to a bathroom stall and pour enough of the drink out that you can fit your whole pint of Jim Beam in. Then go back to your free seat, eat your free popcorn, drink your free drink spiked with the only $10 you had to spend tonight and enjoy your free movie. You’ll be making loud ass comments about the movie in no time.