The Drunk Pirate

By now you all know that I’ll drink pretty much anything in the name of alcohol research. Joose, Jungle Joose, Steel Reserve and my personal I-was-too-drunk-to-give-a-crap-favorite, The Poor Man’s Black And Tan. I’ve sampled all of the aforementioned beverages because of my passion for finding and drinking beer and malt liquor with high-as-giraffe-balls alcohol content.

Up until now the champion in the high ABV race has been Jungle Joose with 9.9% ABV. I had heard of another beer called Four Loco, which is touted as supposedly having an alcohol content of 11%. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to find it so it has remained unconfirmed. However, this past Saturday my cousin who works for Anheuser-Busch informed me they were going to start distributing my white whale in a few weeks right here in North Florida. I was giddy.
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One of the reasons there’s been a lack of posts for the past few months – other than the site redesign – is because I’ve been doing research. A lot of it. One thing that’s kept me busier, and drunker for that matter, than a New Orleans judge during Mardi Gras is the new line of Firefly Vodka flavors that were recently introduced.

I’m pretty sure that this is a first for the alcohol industry. An infused, infused vodka. I don’t even know the proper way to write that. Is it infused-infused vodka?

although I usually leave the flavored vodkas to the sorority girls, my instincts told me I needed to try the new Firefly flavors in the name of The South, journalism and science.
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Lets start this review by dispelling a few myths about vodka. First of all, any of you who are vodka drinkers or have been reading The Drunk Pirate on a regular basis know that good vodka doesn’t have to be expensive and just because a vodka is expensive doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good.

Take Grey Goose for example:

On more than one occasion I’ve witnessed so called “ballers” throw down $150 for a bottle of Grey Goose at a club because they equate expensive with being a good vodka. I mean it does claim the be “The Worlds Best Tasting Vodka”  right on the label.

Truth is Grey Goose consistently places near the bottom of every blind taste test it is entered into. Funny thing is it’s usually brands like $16-dollar-a-bottle Smirnoff that win.

But don’t tell that to the Guido’s in Jersey who eagerly flash Grey Goose and cheesy Zoolander poses around in order to draw attention away from their horrible hair and spray-on tans.

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Before 9/11 you walk right into a movie theater wearing bulky cargo pants and an army jacket packed to the zippers with booze. Back in the late 90′s my buddies and I could literally smuggle a 12 pack of Natty Light or a whole bottle of Jack Daniels each into any movie or sporting event in Gainesville.

But as they often do, times have changed. Rent-a-cops are taught from day one to watch for terrorists threats which include young disheveled men trying to get into crowded places wearing bulky jackets and cargo pants in the middle of July. Plus, in addition to the whole “looking like a terrorist” thing, cargo pants aren’t very fashionable anymore. Nope, these days low-rise jeans and fitted shirts just don’t allow for entire liquor cabinets to be smuggled into an event. (That is of course unless the hipsters make it fashionable for guys to carry purses.)

The alternative to trying to parlay an entire liter of vodka into a club, which I outlined in “See A Movie And Get Drunk For Less Than $10,” is to go to the ABC Liquor, buy a pint of Jim Beam and hope the guy at the Ben Hill Griffin Stadium gate doesn’t notice the bulge in your pants.
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Recently I spent a week in the Blue-Ridge mountains, free from the bondage of cell phones, Internet and other equally useless crap. I spent my time kicking back in a log cabin with the family, hitting trails during the day and the hot tub at night. And you know what? We decided to pay a little something back to the local community by picking up a couple six packs of Blowing Rock High Country Ale brewed by Boone Brewing Company, LLC.
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Popularity: 7% [?]