The Drunk Pirate

If someone offered you $10,000 if you could crash 100 parties in 100 days from Memorial Day to Labor Day, could you do it?

This is the exact proposition that Function Party Crasher, Willie, was offered and is currently attempting in his quest to prove that Function Drink’s Urban Detox is indeed the drinking man’s liquid hangover cure of choice.

And while I’m not one for crashing parties on a nightly basis, I do like to get the party started on weekends. Currently my hangover cure of choice is drinkwel vitamin supplements, a lemon-lime Gatorade and a solid amount of sleep. But when it comes to maintaining the drinking lifestyle, one can never be too prepared when it comes to hangover prevention.

I decided to see if Urban Detox could replace Gatorade as my post drinking, drink of choice—not so much as a hangover cure or preventative—but more so as a healthy alternative to a beer only diet. Because let’s be real. Just because something has antioxidants, doesn’t mean that it’s going to cancel out those 6 beers, 4 patron shots and 2 four lokos you downed the night before. It’s just not.

So with that in mind, I gave Function’s Urban Detox Goji Berry and Citrus Prickly Pear a try. Prickly pear is one of the key hangover cure ingredients according to the label on the bottle. Apparently it helps with those pounding hangover headaches you feel the next day. I don’t know about all that, but I do know that the Citrus Prickly Pear flavor was delicious. It’s lighter tasting (see: less syrupy) than Gatorade, and better tasting than G2 in my opinion. And while I can’t accurately vouch for it’s hangover curing abilities just yet, I can say that Function is a great alternative to the sugary Vitamin waters, Gatorades and other “healthy” drinks available out there. And if Function Party Crasher Willie makes it to all 100 of those parties, I’d say that’s a pretty bold statement in and of itself.

Give it a try and leave a comment with your thoughts…

Popularity: 9% [?]

Since the very beginning, The Drunk Pirate has been dedicated to the drinking lifestyle.

Beer, liquor, malt beverages, drinking games—pretty much anything that gets you crunk. But there’s always been a not so glamorous side to the drinking lifestyle. It’s a side we’ve all encountered but love to forget. We call them hangovers, and they’re a fact of life. Like your ex-girlfriend getting knocked up by some toolbag after you break up, it’s not a matter of if it’s going to happen, it’s a matter of damage control.

For this reason, we’ve come to accept hangovers, much like we’ve come to accept little Toolbag Jr. when we inevitably get back together with the ex-girlfriend. Sure we all develop our own little rituals to deal with hangovers. We’ve even covered some of our favorites in a previous hangover posts. But that doesn’t mean we have to stop searching for something better.

Enter drinkwel, the multivitamin for healthy people that drink.

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Popularity: 6% [?]

Steel Reserve – 67 percent of the time, it works every time. However, at 12% ABV, Earthquake High Gravity Lager will get you “tore out the frame” 100 percent of the time.

Earlier tonight I made my way to the BP station – not to buy gas mind you (Fuck BP) -  to buy my go-to 4 pack of Steel Reserve tall boys when I made a startling discovery. On the shelf below all the gaudy Four Loko cans, nestled right NEXT to the Steel Reserve was a line of silver and black cans with “Earthquake” emblazoned in red on them.

I didn’t pay them much mind at first. I actually picked up a flavor of Four Loko that I hadn’t tried yet and was studying it when I noticed out of my peripheral that the Earthquake can shared the same 12% ABV rating as the foul-tasting Four Loko I had in my hand.

Could it be? A lager with the kick of a malt liquor? It was like I had found an actual Liger, but instead of being bred for its skills in magic, this one had been bred for its skills in getting me totally shitfaced while NOT tasting like an orange Airborne tablet dissolved in kerosene.

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Popularity: 8% [?]

Last Summer I stumbled onto something that revolutionized hot weather drinking. FireFly Vodka pulled vodka out of the “Give me some Fris Vodka so I can warm up and stop freezing my nads off” category and planted it firmly into the “Drink it out of a Mason jar while watching fourth of July fireworks” category.

“For those of you still trying to figure out that analogy, here’s the Cliffs Notes: Firefly Vodka made a spirit normally reserved for cold weather and made it acceptable to drink in the middle of Summer.”
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Popularity: 4% [?]

I’ve never felt strongly either way about Sam Adams beer. I’ve always viewed their normal fare as so so and not worth the $7.89 price it commands for a sixer. However, I have become a fan of their seasonal beers. Actually I’ve become a fan of seasonal beers in general, but Sam Adams definitely caught my eye with their Winter Lager.
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Popularity: 5% [?]