On Dec. 29, 2006 Saddam Hussein was executed for being an asshole to humanity. Normally when talking about someone’s death I would say to be sure and pour out a little liquor for a fallen homie, but I wouldn’t waste a single drop of Colt 45 on Saddam. I hope this asshole is having fun in Hell.
Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t really need a reason to drink. However, I’ve been told that people who drink for no reason at all are called alcoholics. That’s why Nasty Nate and I have decided The Drunk Pirate New Year’s resolution is to give our readers 365 positive reasons to drink. If you suck at math, that’s one a day for the entire year. I know it’s still 2008, but it’s Monday and I wanted to get a jump on the new year with a few test posts.
So here’s your first Drunk Pirate reason to drink of the day.
On this day in 1978, porn star Alexis Amore was born. So tonight, be sure to buy a bottle of Jack Daniels and help her celebrate her 30th birthday.
We all have one on our list. Some us have two or three. If you’re James, you are this person. It’s the drinker on your holiday shopping list.
Sure, there are hundreds of gift-giving sites covering everything from the “hiker” to the “biker” and everyone (but the drinker) in between. But for those stumped on what to give your inebriated spouse, friend or relative, let us help you out.
I come from a huge family on my mom’s side. When I was younger the numbers were still pretty manageable, so everybody bought gifts for each other. However, my mom is 1 of 8 children and over the years all of her brothers and sisters have had kids and all of those kids got married and had kids. Now when the holidays roll around there’s anywhere from 30 to 50 adults and God knows how many little kids. Yes, we’re the redneck version of the Duggars. A few years ago the Elders (my aunts) got together and decided that trying to buy for everyone would basically put everyone in the poor house. That was the year we started playing Chinese Christmas.
So the Gators are playing the Sooners in the FedEx BCS National Championship game in Miami. And guess what? Unless you know somebody who knows somebody, it’s probably safe to say you can’t get tickets or a hotel room. Nope. You’ll have to settle for watching Tim Tebow and the Gators dismantle Oklahoma on the big screen at your local T.G.I. Fridays. That is of course, you know somebody who knows somebody who knows a guy with some BCS Championship tickets he’s giving away. Funny thing is that you do. And the tickets are free.
