How to Play Asshole

playing asshole

Nathan’s post on beer pong got me to thinking about some of the games us old-timers used to play. We never had any fancy-schmancy tables adorned with a enough esoteric lights to give an epileptic a seizure, and we damn sure weren’t going to sit around and let a bunch of beer get warm. No sir, we played games where a person with no athletic skill whatsoever could be put into a position to humiliate their best friends publicly for hours. We played Asshole. A true gentleman’s game and a game I often played to lose.

Also known as Bum, the rules to Asshole come in several different flavors. It’s been so long since I played, I called Jeff to ask him if he remembered the rules. The following is what he sent me and truth be known he probably just copied it off some other drinking site and sent it to me. So if one of you wrote this, sorry for the plagiarism. I just go by what people tell me.

Here are the rules to Asshole:

Players:

4 – 10

Objective:

Get rid of all your cards first.

Aces are high, threes are low. Two’s are wild.

The dealer deals out all the cards. (Multiple decks may be necessary.) The person left of the dealer goes first, and lays down any card or set of cards of the same value. (Eg. three 4’s or a single 3 perhaps.) The person to their left must lay down cards of greater value, and the same number of cards. (Eg. If three 8’s were laid down, three 9’s or greater must be laid down. Four 9’s would not be allowed, it has to be 3.) If they cannot lay down any cards, they pass to the next person. (You may also choose to pass.) Anyone who passes must drink.

2’s are wild, and will beat any card played, including an Ace. Once a two is played the cards are cleared and the person playing the 2 has control. One 2 also beats a pair of anything, two 2’s will beat three of anything, three 2’s beats 4 of anything, etc…

The circle continues until no one can play any more cards. The last person to lay down cards has “control” and starts the next round by laying down new cards. Play continues until everyone is out of cards.

After the first round has been played, the first person out is the President. The second person out is the Vice-President, and the last two people out are the Vice-Asshole and Asshole for the second-last and last person respectively.

Once ranks are established and after all the cards have been redealt, the Asshole must give the President his 2 best cards, and the President gives the Asshole his 2 worst cards. The Vice-President and Vice-Asshole also switch worst and best cards, but only 1 each. Play begins again with the person left of the dealer.

At the end of each round, the Asshole must clear the cards and gather them into a pile. If anyone else touches the pile of cards during play, they automatically switch ranks with the Asshole. If the same person remains Asshole for 3 whole rounds, they become subject to the whims of other players and must drink when told. However, the President can make the Asshole drink at any time once the Asshole has been designated. As a matter of fact, the Asshole has to do pretty much anything the President tells them to. i.e. Wear a fish net on their head, get the President another beer, make out with their sister, etc.

Comments

  1. Tyler says

    We love this game but we have slightly different rules. First of all we play so that you can make anyone drink at any time if they have a lower rank than you. Also, before a new round, the President gets to make one rule that lasts the entire night. For example “whenever VP drinks, the asshole drinks” or “whoever plays three of a kind loses an article of clothing”. Great fun! And you get drunk a lot faster this way, especially if you’re the asshole.

  2. says

    We also included sociables, in which everyone drank, if all 4 cards were down in sequence (all 4 queens, etc)…….In which you could ask the President if you could lay one down card on a pair to match for a “possible sociable”, or lay the 4th card for a sociable. It was all permission based on the presidents approval….and usually approved if it benefited the president.

    Also at any given time during the game you could make anyone ranked lower than you drink. The only exception was that the Asshole had sole and supreme power to give out drinks while they were dealing the cards….Once they picked up their cards….all power was lost.

    3 of clubs always started.

    Asshole had to swipe cards after 2 was played, and drink the amount, depending on how long it took they to clear the cards.

  3. tungk says

    ..part of our rules while playing (4 peeps at the time) President had the best chair in the house and the asshole got a crappy hammered together wooden stool we just happened to have. President had keys to the washroom and could hand out bathroom privileges (can’t remember exactly how that went….this is about 20 yrs ago heh). The poor asshole couldn’t goto the washroom until the hand was over.

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  1. […] A fellow blogger wrote a fantastic post today on “How to Play Asshole | The Drunk Pirate”Here’s ONLY a quick extractNathan’s post on beer pong got me to thinking about some of the games us old-timers used to play. We never had any fancy-schmancy tables adorned with a enough esoteric lights to give an epileptic a seizure, and we damn sure weren’t … […]

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