A Four Loko Farewell

Jimmy — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 03:03:57 +0000

Monday night I received an email from one of our readers calling himself XL Middleton. The email went on to say how he found the site by Googling Four Loko and that he and his friend had written and recorded a song and music video called “The Four Loko Theme,” that was a tribute to Four Loko. A Four Loko Farewell, if you will.

I first read this email on my iPhone and decided to wait until I got home to watch the video. I was fully expecting XL Middleton to be your average run-of-the-mill, college white kid with a guitar making a cheesy video about Four Loko. I was not excited.

What I got when I watched “The Four Loko Theme” on YouTube was NOT a pasty Midwestern white kid with a guitar. What I got was a baller, shot caller with 20 inch Blades on his Impala. I was shocked. Snoop Dogg couldn’t have written better lyrics even if he had been having sex while collaborating with Andre 3000. And the cherry on top was a melody and instrumental that would have made Al Green and Sleepy Brown cry.

It should also be added that Diddy would be hard-pressed to make a video with better production quality. The only thing this song/video is missing is a cameo by Lil’ Wayne or Lil’ John or some other coll-ass mofo with Lil’ before their name.

I may be a 33-year-old white guy from Florida, but I know gangster-ass shit when I see it. And this, my friends, is some gangster-ass shit. See for yourself.

Four Loko Fruit Punch: It will Make You Irresistable

Jimmy — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:27:17 +0000

Like a moth to the flame burned by the fire, I was drawn to the pink and red camouflaged can of Four Loko. That or I had just finished listening to Janet Jackson. Either way, I wanted to get my drink on and 12% alcohol by volume with caffeine in a 24 oz can looked awesome hiding behind a glass door at the Kangaroo gas station. (They’re website rocks btw.)

I had heard of Four Loko from my northern-southern counterparts for some time and have been anticipating its arrival. I’ve even been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal’s alcohol division on the subject of malt liquors with caffeine in them. As a matter of fact, some of our readers were interviewed for the same article and are now famous. Seriously, they all got drunk on a Joose and Four Loko concoction and stole the bikes of every Mormon missionary on Denver.

But I digress. This is a review of Four Loko Fruit Punch Flavor Premium Malt Beverage. The first thing I noticed is that it looks and smells exactly like Max Vibe. It’s pink and fruity. It even tastes similar. However, it doesn’t have the same wangey bite to it. It actually doesn’t taste almost completely unlike fruit punch. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything that could be farther from the taste of actual fruit punch, but it is a reasonable facsimile. BTW this is what I’m listening to right now and it rocks.

It actually tastes like what you would get if you put a Jolly Rancher in a Zima (Remember that?),topped it off with 151. (I am wide awake right now and wish I had a motorcycle)

Actually this stuff is GREAT! I feel like I could wrestle a gorilla. It doesn’t help that I’m listening to this either. I bet This flavor of Four Loko would be great mixed with some Smirnoff or Kettle One Vodka.

I’m not kidding. I’ve been nursing this 24oz can for almost an hour and I am buzzing like a criminal locked in a evidence room. This stuff is definitely worth the $2.50 a can price. I think I’m going to give some for my kid and send him to my parent’s house as payback for them getting him all hopped up on candy and sending home every Sunday afternoon.

I hope I can get my hands on every flavor:)

The Drunk Pirate » Malt Beverages

A Four Loko Farewell

Four Loko Fruit Punch: It will Make You Irresistable