Steel Reserve

Earlier tonight I made my way to the BP station – not to buy gas mind you (Fuck BP) -  to buy my go-to 4 pack of Steel Reserve tall boys when I made a startling discovery. On the shelf below all the gaudy Four Loko cans, nestled right NEXT to the Steel Reserve was a line of silver and black cans with “Earthquake” emblazoned in red on them.

I didn’t pay them much mind at first. I actually picked up a flavor of Four Loko that I hadn’t tried yet and was studying it when I noticed out of my peripheral that the Earthquake can shared the same 12% ABV rating as the foul-tasting Four Loko I had in my hand.

Could it be? A lager with the kick of a malt liquor? It was like I had found an actual Liger, but instead of being bred for its skills in magic, this one had been bred for its skills in getting me totally shitfaced while NOT tasting like an orange Airborne tablet dissolved in kerosene.

Erring on the side of caution, I opted to only buy one 24oz can for a grand total of $1.59 – $1.70 with tax. A paper bag and a Lotto ticket later I was back in the car and on my way home with my new find.

Fast forward to now. As I write this post I’m only half way through the can via my trusty Dog-N-Suds mug and I’m buzzin’ like a chainsaw. The rate at which I got this point is identical to when I drink a comparable malt liquor like Four Loko or Joose.

I still can’t get over the taste. It’s actually kind of sweet and doesn’t take a gut lined with chain mail to get through the first few sips before the high alcohol content numbs the senses.

It’s nothing like Steel Reserve which can sometimes taste like you’re drinking an 80-year-old Mexican hooker’s bath water. It’s nice and smooth.

So in conclusion….I never thought I’d ever say this….I believe this will be my new “Get drunk on a budget” pick. Steel Reserve, if you’re listening, you better step up yout game and come up with a 13% ABV brew or something. You’re losing customers to the new innovators of the High Gravity Lager world.

I’ve never felt strongly either way about Sam Adams beer. I’ve always viewed their normal fare as so so and not worth the $7.89 price it commands for a sixer. However, I have become a fan of their seasonal beers. Actually I’ve become a fan of seasonal beers in general, but Sam Adams definitely caught my eye with their Winter Lager.

I was headed to my parent’s house for the weekend when I stopped off at the ABC Liquor store to see if I could find something new. (The town my parents live in has 2 red lights and isn’t known for its beer selection) I perused the entire cooler until I decided on a 12-pack of some off-the-wall German beer. That is until I realized Sam Adams Winter Lager, which was normally $7.89 a six-pack, was on sale for $13 for a 12-pack.

Not being one to pass up a deal on a moderately seasonal beer, I reneged on the German stock and opted for the Sam Adams. I was hungry, so I also grabbed a Slim Jim and some Planters peanuts, paid the cashier and hit the door for the 35 mile trek through the country back roads to my parents house to watch Florida pound FSU.

Trial And Error

As soon as I hit the county line where I knew every deputy and his brother, I tore open the beer box all the while being mindful of the cut on my hand that was now burning from the salty peanuts. As I attempted to twist the cap of I became aware that I had overlooked one small, yet important detail. Sam Adams seasonal brews are pry off, not twist off.

I didn’t have a lighter or a metal drink mixing cup, so I tried my teeth. Then I remembered why I only did that trick after I had been drinking. Then I realized the peanuts had a metal bottom and quickly pried it of using my free hand for leverage.

Rodeo-cold Sam Adams Winter Lager is pretty damn good. I found out later cold Sam Adams Winter Lager is even better and with an ABV of 5.8, it’ll get ya drunk! I’ve drank enough of this to get a good buzz going, but I haven’t gotten hammered off of it yet so I can’t tell if it will give you a hangover. Part of the reason for not getting hammered off of it is I haven’t really had an opportune time to, the other reason is that it’s such a full bodied and good tasting beer that I find myself only wanting 2-3 at any given time.

Verdict

Sam Adams Winter Lager is the perfect beer for having a beer to unwind after a long day, or taking to a social event where you’d probably get fired if you got drunk and made an ass of yourself. It’s a sipping beer, perfect for winter. Hell, even my wife likes it and actually sent me on a beer run for it a few nights ago when she realized we were out. I would definitely recommend Sam Adams Winter Lager to anyone.

Some of the greatest food and beverage discoveries were born out of either necessity or just good old fashioned curiosity. I mean seriously, who was the first guy to eat an oyster? Was it out of necessity to avoid starvation that he decided to eat the giant snot-like creature he found living in a rock he found growing in the mud of a coastal saltwater marsh, or was it a decision born of blatant human curiosity to see if he could eat the same stuff the otters were eating?

Either way, people have been eating, drinking and mixing things – that arguably should or should not go together – since the beginning of time.

That being said, one of my favorite things in the world is a good black and tan. You may recall another post I did some time ago, where out of necessity, I mixed together Natty Light and Steel Reserve to create what I called The Poor Man’s Black and Tan. Yes the original PMBT was created out of necessity due in part that I had been drinking and couldn’t drive myself to the store to retrieve the materials for a proper Black and Tan.

The newest iteration of the PMBT however, was the culmination of centuries of the aforementioned human curiosity. In other words I had some Steel Reserve and a bottle of Yuengling Black and Tan and I wanted to see what would happen if I mixed the two.

As I reached in my freezer I opted not for my usual vintage A&W Dog n Suds mug, but rather for my 32 oz Cheers mug I stole from the Cheers bar in the Cincinnati airport on my honeymoon.

Assuming the Yuengling was the heaviest of the two, I poured it in first. I tried my best to use a big wooden spoon to marry the two in such a fashion as to render a distinct line of separation but now in retrospect think that a nice metal spoon would have been a better choice since the coarse wood caused more mixing by the roughly flowing beer than it prevented.

Once both bottle and can had been emptied, what I was left with almost completely but not entirely resembled a genuine black and tan. There was a separation between the two which obviously could have been made more apparent with a little more patience and the proper equipment (as stated earlier) and there was a nice head of foam.

I was amazed at the utter beauty of the cross-bred brew I had created but didn’t expect what came next.

It tasted AMAZING!

I’m not kidding. The Steel Reserve lightened the Yuengling Black and Tan up while the Yuengling B&T took away the bitterness and overall skunkiness of the Steel Reserve. I even tested it on my wife before telling her what it was and she said she really liked it. And as with any Steel Reserve creation it pack enough punch that after two I even thought Dane Cook was funny.

I can say with all honesty that I’ll be drinking this version of the Poor Man’s Black and Tan on a regular basis. Try it for yourself and tell me what you think. If you can actually get it to separate nicely, take a picture and send it in and I’ll post it on the site.

Up until now the champion in the high ABV race has been Jungle Joose with 9.9% ABV. I had heard of another beer called Four Loco, which is touted as supposedly having an alcohol content of 11%. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to find it so it has remained unconfirmed. However, this past Saturday my cousin who works for Anheuser-Busch informed me they were going to start distributing my white whale in a few weeks right here in North Florida. I was giddy.

By last night I was thinking about everything BUT finding the Four Loco when my wife sent me on another one of her prego-craving runs to the BP station down the road. This particular BP has a Dairy Queen in it, so I placed my order and decided to roam around the store to see if anything caught my eye.

I did my usual scan of the coolers not expecting to see anything of any consequence when I came upon a 240z can I had never seen before. It read: Max Vibe – 12% ALC/VOL. I heard angels sing.

I quickly picked up the can and studied it. According to the label it sports all the same ingredients of Joose and Jungle Joose. Ceffeine, Ginseng, Taurine and artificial colors. I was fixed on the label when the craggly voice of the woman making my wife’s Heath Bar Blizzard broke my gaze. She stood there holding it upside down with a spoon in it to show me how thick it was. “Blizzerds ready,” she said. I grabbed the Blizzard, paid for my new treasure and headed home.

It was late, and I didn’t want to drink the Max Vibe in case having Caffeine listed as the first ingredient meant there was a shit-load of it in this 24oz can. So I waited until tonight. I figured I would write the review while I drank it.

I decided to do a little research on Max Vibe and the Max beverage Co. On the back of the can there was a web address: www.drinkmax.com. Unfortunately there was no site. Just one of those sites that says “this domain has been parked.” That should have been a red flag. Then I Googled every combination for Max Vibe and its brewer I could. Not one single article or image came up.

The only thing I DID find was a document form the state of Ohio’s liquor approval board stating that Max Vibe had been approved for sale under in May, 2009. The approval was given to the United Brands Co. The same company that owns/distributes Joose?

Anyway. Enough of the investigative reporting crap. I came to get bent. You can research the Max Vibe / Joose conspiray on your own. On with the review.

Now because the pure existence of this beverage is so sketchy and I couldn’t find a photo of it, you’ll have to be satisfied with my description and pics from my iPhone.

The can has a very modern feel to it. If Max Vibe and Jungle Joose were cars, Jungle joose would be an orange ’63 Impala with hand-laid pinstripes and max Vibe would be a 2010 Scion. Any model Scion. You get the idea.

The real difference between Jungle Joose and Max Vibe is in the can. Not on it. Where Jungle Joose looks like green radiator fluid and pretty much tastes like it, Max Vibe is hot pink. Yes. Hot pink. And it pretty much tastes like a wine cooler or Boone’s Farm’s Strawberry Fields on steroids. I could actually see girls mixing this with vodka or Bacardi Limon at night clubs across the country. It might be pretty good.

As I write this I’m almost done with the whole can and I have to say I feel pretty good. I’m buzzed and wide-ass awake. The taste is so tolerable that I would probably drink another one if I had it.

The Verdict:

If you can find this stuff, drink it. The first few sips are a little harsh, but after that it’s on like Donkey Kong. I think this will do especially well with the female crowd since it’s pink and tastes all fruity. Hmm. I wonder if that’s who they’re targeting? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Recently I spent a week in the Blue-Ridge mountains, free from the bondage of cell phones, Internet and other equally useless crap. I spent my time kicking back in a log cabin with the family, hitting trails during the day and the hot tub at night. And you know what? We decided to pay a little something back to the local community by picking up a couple six packs of Blowing Rock High Country Ale brewed by Boone Brewing Company, LLC.

I’ve go to be honest—I’m usually a bit shallow when it comes to choosing my beer, and it pained me somewhat to choose a beer with such a lame bottle label. I mean the name is solid, but I’m pretty sure I could have fashioned a cooler looking beer-bottle label using a napkin, some spilled salsa and a fading sharpie. Minor details I suppose.

My expectations weren’t very high, and I was fully prepared to write the beer off as a token of my appreciation to the mountains and their more permanent residents, but I have to say the beer was actually pretty good! I might even venture to say it was enjoyable.

Light color, light carbonation, adequate head and a fantastic, sweet honey smell. The taste was equally sweet, though I wouldn’t mind a few more hops and a bit more carbonation to help tone the sweetness back a bit. The beer would probably make a good alternative to something like Blue Moon or anything else with a strong citrus taste. Overall, I’d say Blowing Rock Ale makes a great, safe pick as a six pack and is well worth a try.

I had come this far and there was no way in hell I was going back home without some sort of fruity, frozen beverage. Luckily there was a gas station next door that had an Icee machine. I figured since I was at the store anyway I might as well pick up a 24oz Steel Reserve.

I opened the cooler door and went to grab the next lucky contestant on “Let’s Get Crunk Tonight!” when I saw it……Jungle Joose. 24oz of 9.9% ABV Premium Malt Beverage. Somewhere, a lone tear rolled down a drunk hobo’s cheek.

I had heard of Jungle Joose through the comments section of my last post about regular Joose, but I had never seen one. Jungle Joose is kind of like a Florida Panther. You hear stories about it, but you never actually get to see one in the wild.

Despite the fact it was twice as expensive as the $1.39 Steel Reserve, I grabbed it, made a quick stop at the Icee machine and headed for the register. The cashier gave me an all to familiar look and asked, “You actually drink this stuff?”

“Yes I do,” I replied, “So other people don’t have to.”

I got home, stuck it in the fridge and took a shower. I dicked around for about half an hour before I decided it was time to get on with the show. I pulled my vintage A&W Dog n’ Suds mug out of the freezer, grabbed the can out of the fridge and sat them both on the counter.

I really didn’t know what to expect when I popped the can open and began to pour, but I definitely didn’t expect what came out. Granted, the can is covered in skulls and vintage looking tattoo art but still, there should be a warning on the label. The color can only be described as fluorescent green antifreeze mixed with green Kool Aid. From 5 feet away my wife said she could smell it. So could I.

I had come this far and spent nearly $3 of my hard earned money. I was going to drink this entire can.

The first sip tasted just like it looked. Flourescent green with an Aquanet Hairspray aftertaste. I’m pretty sure it instantaneously removed a layer of enamel from my teeth. About 3/4 of the way through the can I found the silver lining to my latest ill advised purchase. I was buzzing my ass off.

Apparently when you add caffeine, Ginseng, Taurine and a few industrial chemicals to a high-gravity malt beverage you get pretty drunk pretty fast. And you’re wide awake at midnight on a Monday and start calling Nathan to tell him about all the cool new ideas you have for the site.

The Verdict:

Would I ever buy Jungle Joose on a regular basis? Probably not. i like my stomach lining right where it is thank you. Would I encourage anyone else to try it? Hell yes. Drinking a can of this stuff at least once is like having sex with a fat, ugly girl you dragged home from the bar. You knew you didn’t want to do it at first, but the more you drank, the better it got and at least you’d have a good story to tell.

I’ve always regarded beer in the same way most people people regard sex and pizza. Even when it’s bad, it’s good. I have never in my life spit pizza out of my mouth in disgust, nor have I ever stopped mid-thrust and said, “This is really bad sex. I gotta go.” I also solemnly swear that I have never tasted a beer with such a pungent aftertaste that I poured half of it into the kitchen sink. Until today.

Today I picked up a six pack of Shiner Bohemian Black Lager at my local Publix grocery store. I figured at a little over $6 for a six pack it was worth a try. When I got home I stuck it in the fridge and let it chill for a few hours. Once I knew it was good and cold I popped the cap on one of the Shiners and poured it into my frosty Dog ‘n Suds mug. It had a great color and a great smell which are tell-tale signs of a good beer.

I took a long hard pull from the ice-cold mug. The initial taste was sharp and somewhat bitter, but the after taste that followed was down right disgusting. It seriously tasted like some redneck had spit Copenhagen in my beer. For those of you who aren’t or who don’t have any redneck/country friends, Copenhagen is a very popular brand of smokeless tobacco. It’s most commonly referred to as dip or snuff. And yes, I used to dip back in the day so I know what the stuff tastes like. Especially when you have to swallow it to keep your Forestry teacher from seeing it in your lip.

I drank a few more sips just to be certain that it did in fact taste like crap. It did. So for the first time in my life I poured a beer down the drain of my black granite sink because it tasted too bad to finish. Once I regained my composure, I made myself a Black Velvet and Coke and decided to write a scathing post about my experience. But first I had to do a little research.

After doing some digging, I found a few other reviews for Shiner Black that all said the same thing. They all said Shiner Black has a bad taste if it’s served too cold and that it is best served as close to room temperature as possible. Apparently the warmer Shiner Black gets, the better the malt flavor gets. I also found out that Shiner is made in Shiner, Texas. I’ve known a few people from Texas and I can honestly tell you that two things Texans know about are steaks and beer. In light of the two aforementioned facts I decided to give Shiner Black the benefit of the doubt.

What I decided to do is conduct my own experiment to find out what the optimum temperature for consuming Shiner Black is. I pulled out a non-chilled pint glass from the cabinet and poured a Shiner into it. I then got my beer brewing thermometer and suspended it in the middle of the glass of beer. Right out of the fridge the Shiner Black was 46 degrees Fahrenheit.

At the starting temperature of 46 degrees, I got almost the same taste and aftertaste that I got with the frosted mug. However, there wasn’t as strong of an aftertaste. At 50 degrees the aftertaste was even less and the initial taste wasn’t as sharp. At 55 degrees there was absolutely no Copenhagen aftertaste at all and the flavor began to mellow out a bit.

At 60 degrees Shiner Black becomes a very drinkable beer. The taste is smooth and mellow and the once pungent aftertaste is completely gone. At 65 degrees Shiner Black is still good but begins tasting watered down and lacks a strong finish. At 70 degrees it’s just more of the same with the beer becoming less impressive and lets face it, warm beer just doesn’t sound or taste very appealing.

So in conclusion, the optimum temperature for consuming Shiner Bohemian Black Lager is 60 degrees Fahrenheit which makes this beer perfect for drinking when you don’t have a cooler or a fridge to put it in.

Ok, so I finally broke down the other day and bought a sixer of Rogue Dead Guy Ale. I say “finally broke down,” because it takes a lot for me to drop $12 for a six pack of anything that’s isn’t guaranteed to at least make my wiener tingle. Trust me, before I bought it I checked the label for some kind of guarantee to see if they could tell me what I was getting for that much coinage. There was no guarantee. Just a picture of a dead guy wearing a funny hat. Truth be told the name was good enough to warrant at least spending one night with Dead guy Ale.

I took the most expensive beer I’d ever bought home and put 5 in the fridge and 1 in the freezer while I got my grill grill fired up and swept the leaves off the porch. (Yes I know it’s the middle of winter, but cooking and eating outside in February is how we roll) By the time I was done, the beer in the freezer was as cold as a well digger’s ass. Which is perfect.

I poured the Rogue into my trusty Dog ‘n Suds mug and let the head settle. Rogue Dead Guy Ale has a very sharp and distinct taste. However, after the first one the distinctness kind of disappears and by number 3 it tastes no different than the hundreds of specialty brews like it. Don’t get me wrong, this is a pretty good beer. It’s just not $12 a six pack good. Probably the only thing this beer would be good for at this price would be to take it to a party, put it in the fridge and then show your ass when you realize everybody drank it just to see what it tasted like while you were outside.

There’s absolutely no place like Florida in the dead of winter. I mean honestly, who doesn’t love mowing their lawn in late December? I spent all day Sunday working up a good sweat while trying out my new backpack leaf blower. Once I finished the migrant worker routine, I fired up the grill and cracked open an Abita Turbodog. Turbodog wasn’t quite what I had expected.

I’ve been seeing Turbodog on tap at different bars here and there but had never ordered one. I had seen Turbodog at the grocery store, but until Sunday had never bought any. The package said it was an ale so I figured it would be the perfect thing to cool me down after working in the yard on a hot winter day. Abita Turbodog tastes more like a good stout suited better for cold winter nights sitting around a fire. I felt like a guy who takes a hot chick home from a bar only to find out post BJ she was a dude.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is a great tasting beer. Turbodog is full-bodied with really great flavor. It goes great with steak and potatoes and according to the website goes great with wild game and smoked fish. However, it’s not a beer I could drink a lot of in one sitting and the price is a little steep.

When you brew as many different beers as Sam Adams does, you’re bound to miss the mark at least once in a while. Sammy’s brewers were definitely reaching with this one. Yes I know it won an award or two in Denver. But none-the-less, this beer tastes like a weak stout after you brush your teeth. Don’t get me wrong, I’m usually a big fan of Sam Adams’ different brews. But you definitely won’t see me at Publix throwin’ down $8.69 for a sixer of this ugly redheaded whore.