The Drunk Pirate

Earthquake High Gravity Lager – The Liger Of Lagers

Steel Reserve – 67 percent of the time, it works every time. However, at 12% ABV, Earthquake High Gravity Lager will get you “tore out the frame” 100 percent of the time.

Earlier tonight I made my way to the BP station – not to buy gas mind you (Fuck BP) -  to buy my go-to 4 pack of Steel Reserve tall boys when I made a startling discovery. On the shelf below all the gaudy Four Loko cans, nestled right NEXT to the Steel Reserve was a line of silver and black cans with “Earthquake” emblazoned in red on them.

I didn’t pay them much mind at first. I actually picked up a flavor of Four Loko that I hadn’t tried yet and was studying it when I noticed out of my peripheral that the Earthquake can shared the same 12% ABV rating as the foul-tasting Four Loko I had in my hand.

Could it be? A lager with the kick of a malt liquor? It was like I had found an actual Liger, but instead of being bred for its skills in magic, this one had been bred for its skills in getting me totally shitfaced while NOT tasting like an orange Airborne tablet dissolved in kerosene.

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Popularity: 3% [?]

Vodka’s Pop Culture – 360 Vodka’s Cola Flavored Vodka

Last Summer I stumbled onto something that revolutionized hot weather drinking. FireFly Vodka pulled vodka out of the “Give me some Fris Vodka so I can warm up and stop freezing my nads off” category and planted it firmly into the “Drink it out of a Mason jar while watching fourth of July fireworks” category.

“For those of you still trying to figure out that analogy, here’s the Cliffs Notes: Firefly Vodka made a spirit normally reserved for cold weather and made it acceptable to drink in the middle of Summer.”
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Popularity: 3% [?]

Sam Adams Winter Lager

I’ve never felt strongly either way about Sam Adams beer. I’ve always viewed their normal fare as so so and not worth the $7.89 price it commands for a sixer. However, I have become a fan of their seasonal beers. Actually I’ve become a fan of seasonal beers in general, but Sam Adams definitely caught my eye with their Winter Lager.
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Popularity: 7% [?]

The Ron Burgundy Scotch Diet

For most of my life I’ve been able to maintain a relatively good physique by eating and drinking whatever I wanted just as long as I made a concerted effort to go to the gym at least twice a week. Most of my life.

As my early twenties became my late twenties, I began to notice I was buying my pants and shorts on different racks than before. 32’s gave way to 34’s and by the time I was 30 I was in a 36″ waist. WTF? I hadn’t changed the way I did anything in more than 10 years.

Several months ago – at nearly 32-years-old -  I had what most alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity. My body was changing the way it processed everything I put into it as my metabolism began to slow. It had also begun to view my half-hearted attempts in the gym with a  general malaise matched only by Stephen Hawking if he were to watch a 5th-grade algebra lecture.
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Popularity: 13% [?]

Grande Absente: My Date With The Green Absinthe Fairy

It was a Saturday in late September 2008. I had several people over to watch Florida stomp the shit out of whom ever they were playing as usual, and Nathan and Rachel were two hours late. As usual. I think there was an issue with Rachel’s jeans or something. I cant really recall.

What I can recall is when Nathan finally arrived, we made our way to Springhill Liquors – My favorite liquor store in the whole world. The reason it’s my favorite, as I believe I’ve mentioned before, is because the owner will mark really expensive bottles of whatever down by as much as 50 percent just to move them or get people to try them. This is how I found jewels like Zaya Gran Reserva Rum and Sonnema Herb Vodka.

As we walked down the isles we discussed the possibilities each bargain-priced bottle of affluence held for the night. We were looking for something unique. Something neither of us had ever tried before. Then we saw it.
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Popularity: 10% [?]