The Drunk Pirate

Raspberry Flavored Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka

13. July 2009

firefly_sweet_tea_medium One of the reasons there’s been a lack of posts for the past few months – other than the site redesign – is because I’ve been doing research. A lot of it. One thing that’s kept me busier, and drunker for that matter, than a New Orleans judge during Mardi Gras is the new line of Firefly Vodka flavors that were recently introduced.

I’m pretty sure that this is a first for the alcohol industry. An infused, infused vodka. I don’t even know the proper way to write that. Is it infused-infused vodka?

although I usually leave the flavored vodkas to the sorority girls, my instincts told me I needed to try the new Firefly flavors in the name of The South, journalism and science.
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Dear Readers: We’re Sorry

15. June 2009

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lazy

Ok. First let me say I’m sorry. I realize I’ve been as useless as tits on a boar hog when it comes to being a contributing member of the drinking society. I realize I haven’t written a single post since March. I’ve been busy. And so has Nate.

We’ve both had some other projects we’ve been working on but can now redirect our efforts back to The Drunk Pirate. Our readership has dwindled down from more than 100,000 to about 25,000 per month. Thank you to those who have stuck around. Your diligence will be rewarded.

We’ve got some good stuff lined up for you guys. We’ve been drinking our asses off and have actually been brewing our own beer. We’ve also had the pleasure of being given first tastes of several soon-to-be-released liquors.

You should also be on the lookout for a complete redesign of the site along with some freebie stuff in the newsletter (for those of you who signed up for the newsletter). We’re also going to delve into some other things like user submitted party pictures and videos. We’ve also got some great “how-to’s” coming up like “how to make your own moonshine.”

So keep us bookmarked, RSSed (is that a word?) and check back on a regular basis because TDP is about to become one bad mother f*#ker.

p.s. I’m sorry to all the beer aficianados about the summer beers post. I did it to piss off all the haters from the Rogue Dead Guy ale post.

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Texts From Last Night

15. June 2009

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Texting

Ever wake up wondering where your tooth went, an unidentified crying baby in the bedroom and a live tiger in the bathroom, only to find out your best friend is missing and his awkward, sometimes creepy, future brother-in-law drugged you the night before? (Go see The Hangover people—it’s hilarious) Me either, but I have woken up to some regrettable text messages in my sent box. And now I have even more reason to worry: TFLN

It’s a site where people can text in hilarious text messages they’ve received (Posted showing area code and text only), and then let the rest of the world either congratulate or make fun of the person by voting the message as a Good Night or a Bad Night. It’s like the drunk person’s version of Fmylife.com, but without the whining.

In the meantime, I pulled a few that made me laugh.

(506): drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure

(443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
(914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

(231): So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back… stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again

(949): I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.

(817): is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i’m hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

(214): Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a “im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend” cake.

(304): I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.

(603): Haha she couldn’t find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??

(301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget…you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

(510): he said he didn’t have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that’s fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah – he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

(440): The ticket read “Found nude in a tree”

(512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

(717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he’s convinced the tongs he’s holding are his real hands

(720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

(724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

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