The Drunk Pirate

“If you haven’t tried it yet, just imagine what it would be like to get a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face if his legs were on fire and tasted like cinnamon.” – The Fireball Whisky Site

I remember back in the day – circa 1999 – when putting Jolly Ranchers in Zima was all the rage. I also remember that putting a Jolly Rancher in a Zima was so completely gay that even Barbara-Streisand-ticket-holding-cakeboys didn’t even do it. Jolly Ranchers Y Zima were for the future Real Houswives of Whatever County audience and the fat-guy-in-a-skinny-guy-shirt-metrosexuals that would marry them.

Fireball Whisky is what I would have drank back in the day – circa 1999 – had I possessed the Nostrodomian-like foresight and intuition to put a crushed-up Atomic Fireball in a glass of Whisky.

A few days ago a made a stop by my local parasite liquor store (That’s a liquor store owned by a grocery store but with a separate entrance so the Bible-thumping grocery store owners can save face) to pick up some staples when at the checkout I came across an auspicious sample display with little 50ml bottles of Fireball Whisky spilling out of the bottom.

At first, while I swiped my debit card and paid for the Fris Vodka I had come for, I thought, “That’s pretty cool.” But then, when the clerk asked me if there was anything else I needed, I picked up one of the little bottles and said, “What’s this?”

“They say it tastes like like a fireball. You know? The ones like when you we’re a kid,” Replied the clerk.

I bought 10 at $1 each.

I was giddy, and like a high school girl with a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, as soon as I got to my car I cracked one open and slammed it. At first I held my breath, but as soon as I exhaled I felt like running balls-out-naked across a playground while hysterically laughing and screaming MY MOUTH IS ON FIIIAAARRRR!!! I was a 5-year-old with the most awesome candy known to man. Candy that would get me drunk.

I shit you not. This stuff tastes just like you just ground up an Atomic Fireball with a set of robot teeth and chased it with a shot of Wild Turkey. Absolutely amazing. Gave some to my dad – loved it. Gave a shot to my mom – loved it. Wife – loved it. You get the idea. I have yet to find a single person who doesn’t like Fireball Whisky. But the looming question remained – would it mix?

Fireball Whiskey and Coke – Tastes like drinking a Coke with an Atomic Fireball in your mouth.

Fireball Whiskey and Sprite – Tastes like drinking a sprite with an Atomic Fireball in your mouth.

Fireball Whiskey and Orange juice – Tastes like drinking OJ with an Atomic Fireball in your mouth.

You get the idea.

I’ve gotten pretty buzzed off this stuff but not drunk or hammered yet because honestly 6 or 7 strait, room temperature shots of Fireball Whisky is all you can take in a short period before your throat feels like it’s been turned inside-out and dragged down a road made out of 1,000 cheese graters. But a good kind of road made of cheese graters:)

After falling in love with this stuff I decided to take a walk over to their website and see what the company was all about. The gist of it is that this type of Whisky was invented by some lonely, bored and snowed-in Canadians in the mid-80′s as a cure for frost bite or some shit like that. Either way, I dig the owner Richard’s style as much as his product. Fireball can now be bought in Canada, the United States and England, and is also available in Israel, Norway, Sweden and Finland. I bought a 750ml for about $14.

I also found some good recipes on the site too.

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