Like a moth to the flame burned by the fire, I was drawn to the pink and red camouflaged can of Four Loko. That or I had just finished listening to Janet Jackson. Either way, I wanted to get my drink on and 12% alcohol by volume with caffeine in a 24 oz can looked like a porn star on Rufies hiding behind a glass door at the Kangaroo gas station. (They’re website kicks ass btw)
I had heard of Four Loko from my northern-southern counterparts for some time and have been anticipating its arrival. Hell, I’ve even been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal’s alcohol division on the subject of malt liquors with caffeine in them. As a matter of fact, some of our readers were interviewed for the same article and are now famous. Seriously, they all got drunk on a Joose and Four Loko concoction and stole the bikes of every Mormon missionary on Denver.
But I digress. This is a review of Four Loko Fruit Punch Flavor Premium Malt Beverage. The first thing I noticed is that it looks and smells exactly like Max Vibe. It’s pink and fruity. It even tastes similar. However, it doesn’t have the same wangey bite to it. It actually doesn’t taste almost completely unlike fruit punch. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything that could be farther from the taste of actual fruit punch, but it is a reasonable facsimile. BTW this is what I’m listening to right now and it rocks. Kiss my ass.
It actually tastes like what you would get if you put a Jolly Rancher in a Zima (Remember that?),topped it off with 151 and did a line of coke off a hooker’s ass. (I am wide awake right now and wish I had a motorcycle)
Actually this stuff is GREAT! I feel like I could wrestle a gorilla. It doesn’t help that I’m listening to this either. I bet This flavor of Four Loko would be great mixed with some Smirnoff or Kettle One Vodka.
I’m not kidding. I’ve been nursing this 24oz can for almost an hour and I am buzzing like a crackhead locked in a evidence room. This stuff is definitely worth the $2.50 a can price. I think I’m going to give some for my kid and send him to my parent’s house as payback for them getting him all hopped up on candy and sending home every Sunday afternoon.
I hope I can get my hands on every flavor:)
Popularity: 59% [?]
October 3rd, 2009 at 7:39 am
I bought one of these Thursday night because of this article…>WOW!!! Amazing. I did Watermelon though…
December 27th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
My girlfriend drank the watermelon Four Loko last night and I couldn’t understand why she was acting like a five year old on speed, after reading this review, it all makes sense. She said the flavor took a little to get used to, but after one can she was the friendliest, funniest person in the room, taking her home she spilled her heart out like she’s never told me “I love you before.” (I enjoyed that part) Once home, she proceeded to pass out at around 1:30 am. She then woke up at around 5 am still wired wanting to have a conversation with me about why she got so drunk and where did the money in her pocket come from?
If you want a good time, drink a Four Loko.
January 10th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
Being a limousine driver in Jacksonville I thought I had seen it all, people always request to stop and buy beer, wine, and liquor, which is nothing new. However one night while providing Jacksonville Limo service one of my clients said she wanted to stop and buy some juice. It was 1:00am on a Saturday night, so I said I didn’t think any grocery stores would be open and I said sometimes 7-Eleven has cranberry and orange juice. The lady gave me a stupid look and said no it’s JOOSE, it’s a ghetto drink they sell at gas stations.
I stopped the limo at a gas station, and some of the clients ran in and came out with a big bag of drinks. Out of curiosity I asked what this JOOSE looked like, they quickly said oh they didn’t have any, we got FOUR Loko instead. I felt like and idiot because I had never heard of either of these drinks and I have been driving partiers for a long time. At the end of the night I was cleaning out the limo and noticed they had left several of the FOUR Loko drinks in the cooler. I told the lady that had rented the limo and she said don’t worry about it you can have them we have a wedding to go to tomorrow and if we drink and more of those we will be too hung over.
Upon dropping the limo off at our warehouse I cleaned out the limo and took the Loko’s home with me. I stuck them in the fridge and curiosity him me a few days later so I tried one, the first one was Grape and it was really good, after that I tried the fruit punch and it was even better. These drinks are amazing however they really hit you hard, so only drinking one at a time is recommended. I didn’t really like the orange one.
January 12th, 2010 at 11:42 am
pussy drinkers I dont drink four loko anymore cuz it never gets me buzz last time i drank 4 of them an i was feeling a lil buzzed
January 26th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
FOUR LOKO is what E-3 and below drink
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:52 pm
Four loko will get you twisted , for a while but then you get used to it and it takes more to mess you up. They add wormwood oil in it wich is also in absinith … the European version actually has Absininth and spirits in it rather then ghetto malt liquor. I’m sure it tastes better , the blue berry has a God awful after taste and this is sure to give you a yeast infection. Yes I said it. It’s BAD for you and will eventually give you a yeast infection. Male or Female. If it burns when you pee and you drink this stuff , don’t worry you didn’t catch the ninja , just blame it on the … AH AH AH AH AH Alchohol
March 1st, 2010 at 12:46 am
I’m keep a list of resources related to yeast cures and remedies – please feel free to link back.
March 3rd, 2010 at 10:30 pm
my boyfriend loves these drinks! He thinks they’re the most amazing things ever, and all they do to him is make him act super crazy and it doesn’t help when he needs to spunk while having sex!
March 9th, 2010 at 9:42 pm
I tried one of these after work. Wow what a punch!
March 20th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Wow! Finally found the FOUR LOKOS in my area and I can personally say after drinking Tilt and Sparks on occasion, FOUR LOKOS is my new drink. Tilt is still one of my favorites as far as taste goes, but the more alcohol content the better! And Sparks sucks as they (Anheuser-Busch/IN-BEV) sucked up to the politicians and took out the caffeine and other herbs which enhance the drink! Currently have only tasted the Watermelon and Fruit Punch but I am look out for the other flavors.
March 21st, 2010 at 8:51 pm
four lokos are great! if you dont get a buzz from 2 then you are and alcoholic… i am 6′5 260lbs and 2 are fine for me… i drink every night… fourloko is my drink of choice
April 13th, 2010 at 2:01 am
The new lemondae AMAZING!!! I love these! One is enough for me!
April 20th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Blue Rasberry is by far the greatest you barely taste the liquor…
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:56 am
The Lemonade is the best in my mind. One of these puts me in a good place..2 forget it. I might as well call in sick to work the next day..
April 25th, 2010 at 10:21 am
Horrible hangover!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 29th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
My website ain’t around no more, but I am. I’ve been drinking for months on end, sticking to mostly wine coolers and stuff, sparks….well, sparks was cool back when they WERE cool, anyway, ever since sparks went the way of the gov, i’ve been lookin around.
Then came this four LOKO drinks, now, remember that I want a drink all the way, one it gives me the buzz, two it gives me energy,..all the way like that other guy said this IS the drink of choice. Consider it, and recommend it to all wine cooler/malt liqour sellers in your area.
May 8th, 2010 at 5:53 pm
the watermelon is nasty, the fruit punch is the best i think of all four’s! nice description of how it tastes lol!
May 8th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
…oh yeah i DONT recommend mixing ice with it! but joose it great on “the rocks”…
May 15th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
DO THESE DRINKS GO BAD IF YOU HAVE OPENED THEM BEFORE? i couldn’t even finish it and i poured it in a water bottle…will it go bad?
May 28th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
i had 4 four locos && i was wasted &&+ i had one joose i was completely qone . its amazing and my new fav drink ! i almost drowned in the pool cuz i fell asleep . simply amazinq !
June 6th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
I personally think the Fruit punch is gross. I couldn’t get caught drinking so I tried chugging the rest [ which was a quarter of the can ] none of my friends would help me and I almost threw up. The grape one is amazing though and so is watermelon<3 I have yet to try the other flavors. Two of them gets me twisted. I love this drink<3
and 4 loko + a joint = amazinggg.
June 7th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
this stuff is made from heaven, i drink two of these things and you are messed up i feel like a cheap hooker gettin drunk off 5 dollars
June 16th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Just bought one of these tonight, I’m used to cheap malt liquor so this should be right up my alley.
June 20th, 2010 at 9:20 pm
IMO the stuff doesn’t taste very good and the alcohol flavor in them is pretty strong, but maybe i’m just trying the wrong flavors…however drinking two or three will get me drunk for a long time, only it’s not a good, happy drunk, more like one of those angry, loathing ones where i want to go out and pick a fight with a 6′2″ gang member.
Still good though, i recommend it if you’re one of those dudes that likes beating people up for no reason.
June 20th, 2010 at 11:09 pm
don’t try the grape for the love of god, tasted like fucking wine and beer in the same can i had to throw that shit away (after downing 5/6 of the can) i can definitely say it fucked me up though
June 21st, 2010 at 1:30 am
These drinks are the craziest drinks ever! I mean don’t get me wrong I have drank it all 80 proof vodka 151 proof rum but 4 of these four lokos and I got jumped robbed and car jacked over all $8,000 in damage, so all I can say is DRINK RESPONSIBLY! :P
June 21st, 2010 at 12:48 pm
i love them!! the cran. lemonade, grape, watermelon,& reg. lemonade is the best!!
June 29th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
This stuff is EXTREMELY bad for your system (hense the terrible hangover we’ve all experienced, blacking out off of 2 cans, and fits of intense negative rage). In fact just ONE 23oz can is about 6 times worse for you than one Red Bull or Monster, and this can towers over those other energy drink cans and have chemicals you dont even know about in it. FACT: straight energy drinks have been proven to cause liver failure, ulcers, and heart problems if drank regularly (one a day). Ive done research about the chemicals DrinkFour uses in their product and they are not approved by the FDA (just like 5 hour energy). I believe that if companies avoid the FDA health regulations by dropping prices so low that the consumer doesnt care how bad the product is for them (despite this obviously “bad-for-you-taste”), or promote flashy commercials to mislead the consumer (“no 2:30 feeling later, lol”), then the wise decision is stay away from it, IT IS OBVIOUSLY BAD FOR YOU. Give it about 40 years and I believe the mainstream media will finally announce how these insanely strong caffine/alchohol drinks and the popular “over 2 million users a day” 5 hour energy are seriously linked to death and body system failure (just like how 40 years ago people thought that McDonalds was okay for you and now our parents are getting heart attacks at 45). I used to drink one watermelon can about 3 separate times a week with friends. Then I came to the realization that this stuff really, really must be terrible for my body. Even just one can a month. Trust me, spend the extra 3 bucks and get the 4 beer equivelant to a Loko or some cheap hard alcohol.
Stay away from energy drinks, period.
July 3rd, 2010 at 11:41 pm
Last night I drank one of these and then opened the second one and i dont remember what happened
July 13th, 2010 at 11:08 am
are there any new flavors out i only tried the orange, lemon, grape, watermelon, and raspberry. The raspberry is nasty but all other flavors are good and this stuff is great me and my friends drank a can each before taking our regents exams and i passed with an 84
July 13th, 2010 at 11:13 am
for about two weeks i was having a four loko a day but all that happened was a little dizzyness but i sat my ass down stayed still and drank a can and got so fucked up didn’t know what i was doing or saying
July 14th, 2010 at 5:25 pm
Over the Fourth of July Weekend, I bought two on my way to a BBQ. I was only able to bring one with me so I popped it and chugged it as fast as I could. During the celebration, I drank a couple of beers to add to the effect of the Four Loko and I couldn’t remember what the hell happened that night. The next day, I popped open the second bottle and finished it but was craving for more so I waited until I was okay to drive and went down to the nearest store and bought another one. It was the third can within two day that finally did me in. I’ve been drinking four loko every other day since June. I don’t know what was going on with my body but it was acting weird. I couldn’t breath and I always have this feelng of vomiting except I didn’t and every time I swallow food or water or saliva, it hurts like hell. At one point in the night, I was close to jumping into my car and heading down to the E.R. I nursed myself back to health for two whole days. I drank plenty of water and never again will I touch those crazy Four Loko drink. Now, I only drink Alcohol in moderation and I’ve been a heavy drinker for two years.
July 14th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Whoops, I meant to say ‘Can’ not ‘bottle’. Was still thinking of beer at that point.
July 14th, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Just be careful with Four Loko. It’s Cheap as dirt so you’re able to scrimp for change and still manage to buy one. It’s also very fruity and people aren’t as quick to protest some of the flavors. I’ve been staring at all the ingredients on the can and could not make heads or tails as to what the hell they put in these drinks.
Common Sense would tell you that there’s gotta be a catch while temptation just want to party all night long with it. Just be smart and not go overboard. But hey, it’s your life.