Like a moth to the flame burned by the fire, I was drawn to the pink and red camouflaged can of Four Loko. That or I had just finished listening to Janet Jackson. Either way, I wanted to get my drink on and 12% alcohol by volume with caffeine in a 24 oz can looked like a porn star on Rufies hiding behind a glass door at the Kangaroo gas station. (They’re website kicks ass btw)
I had heard of Four Loko from my northern-southern counterparts for some time and have been anticipating its arrival. Hell, I’ve even been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal’s alcohol division on the subject of malt liquors with caffeine in them. As a matter of fact, some of our readers were interviewed for the same article and are now famous. Seriously, they all got drunk on a Joose and Four Loko concoction and stole the bikes of every Mormon missionary on Denver.
But I digress. This is a review of Four Loko Fruit Punch Flavor Premium Malt Beverage. The first thing I noticed is that it looks and smells exactly like Max Vibe. It’s pink and fruity. It even tastes similar. However, it doesn’t have the same wangey bite to it. It actually doesn’t taste almost completely unlike fruit punch. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t anything that could be farther from the taste of actual fruit punch, but it is a reasonable facsimile. BTW this is what I’m listening to right now and it rocks. Kiss my ass.
It actually tastes like what you would get if you put a Jolly Rancher in a Zima (Remember that?),topped it off with 151 and did a line of coke off a hooker’s ass. (I am wide awake right now and wish I had a motorcycle)
Actually this stuff is GREAT! I feel like I could wrestle a gorilla. It doesn’t help that I’m listening to this either. I bet This flavor of Four Loko would be great mixed with some Smirnoff or Kettle One Vodka.
I’m not kidding. I’ve been nursing this 24oz can for almost an hour and I am buzzing like a crackhead locked in a evidence room. This stuff is definitely worth the $2.50 a can price. I think I’m going to give some for my kid and send him to my parent’s house as payback for them getting him all hopped up on candy and sending home every Sunday afternoon.
I hope I can get my hands on every flavor:)
Popularity: 22% [?]
October 3rd, 2009 at 7:39 am
I bought one of these Thursday night because of this article…>WOW!!! Amazing. I did Watermelon though…
December 27th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
My girlfriend drank the watermelon Four Loko last night and I couldn’t understand why she was acting like a five year old on speed, after reading this review, it all makes sense. She said the flavor took a little to get used to, but after one can she was the friendliest, funniest person in the room, taking her home she spilled her heart out like she’s never told me “I love you before.” (I enjoyed that part) Once home, she proceeded to pass out at around 1:30 am. She then woke up at around 5 am still wired wanting to have a conversation with me about why she got so drunk and where did the money in her pocket come from?
If you want a good time, drink a Four Loko.
January 10th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
Being a limousine driver in Jacksonville I thought I had seen it all, people always request to stop and buy beer, wine, and liquor, which is nothing new. However one night while providing Jacksonville Limo service one of my clients said she wanted to stop and buy some juice. It was 1:00am on a Saturday night, so I said I didn’t think any grocery stores would be open and I said sometimes 7-Eleven has cranberry and orange juice. The lady gave me a stupid look and said no it’s JOOSE, it’s a ghetto drink they sell at gas stations.
I stopped the limo at a gas station, and some of the clients ran in and came out with a big bag of drinks. Out of curiosity I asked what this JOOSE looked like, they quickly said oh they didn’t have any, we got FOUR Loko instead. I felt like and idiot because I had never heard of either of these drinks and I have been driving partiers for a long time. At the end of the night I was cleaning out the limo and noticed they had left several of the FOUR Loko drinks in the cooler. I told the lady that had rented the limo and she said don’t worry about it you can have them we have a wedding to go to tomorrow and if we drink and more of those we will be too hung over.
Upon dropping the limo off at our warehouse I cleaned out the limo and took the Loko’s home with me. I stuck them in the fridge and curiosity him me a few days later so I tried one, the first one was Grape and it was really good, after that I tried the fruit punch and it was even better. These drinks are amazing however they really hit you hard, so only drinking one at a time is recommended. I didn’t really like the orange one.
January 12th, 2010 at 11:42 am
pussy drinkers I dont drink four loko anymore cuz it never gets me buzz last time i drank 4 of them an i was feeling a lil buzzed
January 26th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
FOUR LOKO is what E-3 and below drink