The Drunk Pirate

Lets start this review by dispelling a few myths about vodka. First of all, any of you who are vodka drinkers or have been reading The Drunk Pirate on a regular basis know that good vodka doesn’t have to be expensive and just because a vodka is expensive doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good.

Take Grey Goose for example:

On more than one occasion I’ve witnessed so called “ballers” throw down $150 for a bottle of Grey Goose at a club because they equate expensive with being a good vodka. I mean it does claim the be “The Worlds Best Tasting Vodka”  right on the label.

Truth is Grey Goose consistently places near the bottom of every blind taste test it is entered into. Funny thing is it’s usually brands like $16-dollar-a-bottle Smirnoff that win.

But don’t tell that to the Guido’s in Jersey who eagerly flash Grey Goose and cheesy Zoolander poses around in order to draw attention away from their horrible hair and spray-on tans.

Grey goose also makes for a good example of another vodka myth which is all good vodkas have to be made in a certain place. Like Russia. According to Grey Goose, its vodka is made in the “Vodka Region” of France. Seriuosly? The truth is that there is no “Vodka Region” of France or any other country for that matter. That’s like saying Hampsters come from the “Hampster Region” of Rhode Island. Actually I have no idea where Hampsters come from, but you get the idea.

“I thought this was a review about Platinum 7x Vodka?”

This is a review about Platinum 7x. I just had to set the stage before I tell you how it tastes, how much it cost and where it’s made. Platinum 7x is touted as a “premium vodka.” However, it doesn’t carry a premium price tag. I’ve seen it sell anywhere from $11 for a 750ml to $16 for a 1.75L depending on where you buy it.  (In case you’re either slow or drunk or both, I’m in the process of supporting the “good vodkas don’t have to be expensive,” argument.)

Platinum 7x has a very smooth taste and makes one mean screwdriver. It doesn’t have that strong “I just drank rubbing alcohol,” aftertaste like most inexpensive vodkas do. One would venture to say it’s even on the light side despite it being a normal 80 proof spirit.

And as with my perennial favorite, Smirnoff, you can drink quite a bit of this stuff in one sitting without even the slightest tinge of a hangover the next day. Anyone who’s been drinking for any amount of time will bear testament that no hangover from a bottle of hooch costing less than $40 is rare.

So what about the last myth we talked about? What “Vodka Region” does Platinum 7x come from? Would you believe me if I told you this great little vodka came all the way from Franklin County, Kentucky? You know, the “Bourbon Region” of America. Well it does. And I would take the Pepsi Challenge with it against Grey Goose any day of the week.

According to the website Platinum 7X is distilled seven times from American corn.That’s right, not potatoes, wheat or whatever else you can make vodka out of.  Four distillations are carried out in column stills with the remaining three distillations being made in a special pot still at Buffalo Trace Distillery. Again for those of you who are slow and/or drunk that makes 7 distillations, hence the name Platinum 7x.

As usual when it come to good cheap booze I encourage you to be your own judge. Who knows, you might end up like me and have a new vodka for your top 5. But I will guarantee you’ll definitely NOT end up looking like a New Jersey Guido flashing an overpriced bottle of shitty vodka. You’ll look like a person who knows good vodka doesn’t have to be expensive.

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