The Drunk Pirate

Ben Franklin said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” This is true. However, as I’ve said before, hangovers are proof that God also has a sense of humor. Nobody likes to have a hangover. That’s probably why one of our most read posts here on The Drunk Pirate is “The 8 Best Hangover Cures Ever.” We had tons of comments and we received several emails about the post. Probably the best thing to come from that post was all the hangover cures submitted by our readers in the comments section.

I’m calling these the “best” user submitted hangover cures. I use the word “best” loosely. Being the best doesn’t necessarily denote that it works. It can mean that it either works or made me laugh at the absurdity of the proposed method. Don’t worry. You’ll know which is which.

Normally I wouldn’t suggest anything to you guys before I tried it myself, but these cures range from plausible to just plain retarded. If you decide you want to be a human Guinea Pig and try some of these please be sure to report your results in the comments section. I’d also like to mention smoking weed as a cure was submitted more than 20 times.

So here are the 20 best user submitted hangover cures.

1. Tanning bed and a Bojangles 2 piece meal with mashed potatoes

2. Pedialyte and water. chug about a half a bottle of pedeolyte and as much water as you can. hangovers come from dehydration mostly. it is stripper approved and road tested so trust me, as a guy who works at 7am for seven days a week most of the year, it is a life saver.

3. My other cure for the nausea is opening a coke the night before and drinking it the next morning. Dr.’s prescribe coke syrup for kids who have upset stomachs (you can get the plain coke syrup over the counter now too) and drinking a flat coke the next morning will fix it in no time.

4. Hangovers are not only caused by dehydration, but also vitamin deficiencies. So, another good way to strike a hangover preemptively is to take an all-a-day vitamin or eat a banana, due to it’s potassium concentration, before a night of drinking.

5. There is NO BETTER HANGOVER CURE on the planet. Simply strap on an oxygen bottle for a few minutes. Take a few really deep breaths and your hangover will be gone within a few minutes. Quick & simple.

6. Before I go out, planning to get drunk, I take a vitamin b complex and a milk thistle supplement and eat a banana. I keep a couple around for the morning. I drink a shit load of water (and piss a bunch) while out. This seams to work pretty well. I also like drinking that lemon flavored Propel shit on my way to work in the morning.

7. When you wake up and have your shower, when you’re ready to get out, make it as hot as you can stand until you can’t take it anymore, then shift to cold in about three or four gradual steps. Cold should be so cold you feel like you can’t take it anymore. At that point, turn it off and get out. Won’t cure you on its own but definitely helps.

8. Find a Mexican restaurant and order yourself a big bowl of Menudo. What is Menudo? If you haven’t puked yet before eating you’ll probably puke just by reading what goes into a bowl of Menudo. Needless to say its loaded with fat and it will cure your hangover. You can also find it in canned in the Mexican section of your local grocery store.

9. A green bell pepper is the best thing ever. Just eat it like an apple, its surprisingly refreshing and tastes somewhat like the white part of a watermelon (Rhine). But when hungover it is a must!

10. As gross as it sounds, the cure is…..pickle juice, hair of the dog and lots of water. If you do not hydrate well before going to bed the previous night, this combo will hook you up. There is something about the pickle juice that helps level your electrolytes better than anything else (including Gatorade) a good 4-6 oz does the trick, hair of the dog makes you feel better while you rehydrate with lots of water. Tried and True. Be a new man within an hour.

11. Peanut butter, honey, and banana sandwich. The peanut butter and banana have the vitamins and nutrients you need. The honey, sugar and the bread will help soak shit up.

12. Sushi is a very good hangover cure. It’s not oily and its a good source of carbs, protein and omega 3 etc.

13. “Thiamin is also required for metabolism of alcohol by microsomal detoxification when intakes are high.” says a study from Northwestern University. So, drinking fluids to keep hydrated (something like gatorade with electrolytes in it) and eating something with thiamin and/or taking a multivitamin/B-vitamin complex before and after drinking are the way to go. The website I referenced lists foods and drinks that are good sources of thiamin. I’ve actually put it into practice after one of my college professors told us about it in my nutrition & metabolism class I took three years ago, and it works wonders for me. I’m a light-weight that gets sick easily from drinking too much, but as long as I follow this system of thiamin-rich foods and rehydrating fluids, I can avoid the physiologically negative side effects of drinking.

14. Eat something with carbs before you fall asleep, even if it’s 2 handfuls of pretzels.
In the morning, take 2 Tums, 1 large glass water, 2 advil.
Pain will be a minimum and the rest can be taken care of with a waffle, bacon and coffee, though my favorite is iced cappuccino.

15. If you live in Scotland; a glass bottle of Irn-Bru and some Rowies.

16. Fill a short glass with soda water. Add 5-10 dashes of Angostura bitters, squeeze the juice of 1 lemon, and 5-10 dashes of table salt. You’ll be feeling better in no time.

17 Jamba Juice wheat grass is a miracle hangover cure as well. It’s easy and only about $2.

18. When you get home after a night of drinking cook a massive breakfast and leave it out. Chug a glass of cream and a glass of lime juice. The cream to make you smarter and the lime so you’ll make a weird face. In the morning, get up and throw the breakfast away because it will be bad, and clean up the entire house.

19. Another genius method is oral hydration salts, specifically designed for extreme dehydration. Much more potent than Gatorade. Next time you walk by a GNC, pick up a box of these things. They come in individual sachets in a bunch of flavors. I recommend Lemon-Lime, because it doesn’t taste like ass like the rest of them. They’re dirt cheap too. Drink one sachet in a ten ounce glass of water before bed. Or, do it in the morning, and after about twenty minutes, you’ll feel a hell of a lot better.

20. Carolina Hangover cure is b12, 2 Excedrin washed down with Yoo Hoo and followed with a bowl of cheese grits doused with Texas Pete.

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