The Drunk Pirate

We all have one on our list. Some us have two or three. If you’re James, you are this person. It’s the drinker on your holiday shopping list.

Sure, there are hundreds of gift-giving sites covering everything from the “hiker” to the “biker” and everyone (but the drinker) in between. But for those stumped on what to give your inebriated spouse, friend or relative, let us help you out.

1. Obama Yes We Can Opener

Buy It

Yes you can afford this amazing breakthrough in can opening technology. Guaranteed to open cans and spite Republicans everywhere in one swift easy motion, this little stocking stuffer is a steal at just $5.99.

2. The Beer Pager

Buy It

We’ve all been there. One minute you and your beer are two companions living the high life. Next thing you know the damn thing up and disappears on you. Then you find that wounded soldier sitting in the flower pot the next morning. Sure it still tastes good when you drink it down, but why did it have to go down like that. Well it doesn’t. Enter Beer Pager. No more abandoned, orphaned or misplaced beers for you. Just drink, lose beer, push remote and follow signal to glory.

3. Gin and Titonic Ice Cube Tray

Buy It

Yes, I’m aware all these gifts are from Stupid.com. Is that going to stop me from writing about the Gin and Titonic? No, absolutely not. Never did ice melting in your glass seem so tragic as it does with the Gin and Titonic. Now maybe those slow drinkers out there will have a bit of motivation to the tune of saving the Titanic and your drink from being watered down.

4. Alcohol

Congratulations. Welcome to the only thing on this list actually worth buying for that serious drinker on your list. Sure, I put together a few items in a nice little list for you to read through. But get real. If you show up with a “Yes we can” can opener from Stupid.com, I would probably reevaluate my reasons for being friends with you. And if we’re family, well that would be downright wrong.

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