The Drunk Pirate

If beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy, then the Zaca Recovery Patch is proof he doesn’t want us to be hung over in church.

Full Disclosure: I was not sent these buy the folks over at ZacaLife.com. Nope. I got a free sample when I got my Freedom Flask in the mail (More on the Freedom Flask later). It was a pack of four patches which worked so well, I had to order more – and pay for them – just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke.

Now if you’ve been a regular reader of this blog then you know Nate and I have tried our fair share of lotions, potions, pills and home-grown hangover cures. To be quite honest, most of the commercial hangover remedies that we test are souped up vitamins, which do work because of basic biology. If you replace depleted vitamins in your body while drinking plenty of water in a given period of time you will start feeling less like a dump truck full of dirty assholes  and more like your old self – Unless of course you feel like a dump truck of dirty assholes on a normal day.
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“If you haven’t tried it yet, just imagine what it would be like to get a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face if his legs were on fire and tasted like cinnamon.” – The Fireball Whisky Site

I remember back in the day – circa 1999 – when putting Jolly Ranchers in Zima was all the rage. I also remember that putting a Jolly Rancher in a Zima was so completely gay that even Barbara-Streisand-ticket-holding-cakeboys didn’t even do it. Jolly Ranchers Y Zima were for the future Real Houswives of Whatever County audience and the fat-guy-in-a-skinny-guy-shirt-metrosexuals that would marry them.

Fireball Whisky is what I would have drank back in the day – circa 1999 – had I possessed the Nostrodomian-like foresight and intuition to put a crushed-up Atomic Fireball in a glass of Whisky.

A few days ago a made a stop by my local parasite liquor store (That’s a liquor store owned by a grocery store but with a separate entrance so the Bible-thumping grocery store owners can save face) to pick up some staples when at the checkout I came across an auspicious sample display with little 50ml bottles of Fireball Whisky spilling out of the bottom.

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First things first, this is the song I’m listening to as I write this product review. Lil’ Wayne gets me AMPED! I suggest you listen to this at high volume in a residential area whilts reading this review.

Now on to the BEARPONG review…

Nathan and I had a professor years ago at UF that always told us that if you’re going to do anything, swing for the fences and do it big. I think the crew over at BEARPONG had the same kind of professor.
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Monday night I received an email from one of our readers calling himself XL Middleton. The email went on to say how he found the site by Googling Four Loko and that he and his friend had written and recorded a song and music video called “The Four Loko Theme,” that was a tribute to Four Loko. A Four Loko Farewell, if you will.
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If you were to venture into my kitchen and take a minute to examine the vestibule of my Kenmore refrigerator, you’d find a plethera of refrigerator-related items. You would find nine different magnetic calendars from various real estate agents, dry cleaners, and pizza places along with three to do lists and a myriad of pictures and magnets jumbled among several pieces of artwork representing our 3-year-old’s interpretation of our house, dog and his grandparents.

But perhaps the most curious thing stuck to the bone-colored facade of my official beer cellar is what looks to be a real live lime. Or at least half a real live lime anyway. No I didn’t go on a Cabo Wabo bender and Super Glue half a lime to my fridge. I’m more civilized than that. I got myself a Limer.
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Popularity: 3% [?]